Missing out on the Halloween Party

I was really looking forward to this Halloween. Heck, I look forward to every celebration and outing nowadays!

My college along with the the Pharmacy college booked the party at a venue that's part of a really awesome place I've been wanting to go to since I got into this town. It costs $20 just to get in normally, but tonight it's free for us along with food and drinks. I've put together a cute hijab-friendly costume and have been convincing people that they have to go all week long.

However, as of this morning I decided that I just can't go and now I'm a little sad. The timing is horrible. On monday morning I have my last 2 midterms before finals: biochemistry and optics. Both of them are going to be brutal. I haven't even started studying for biochemistry and I've only gotten one of 3 chapters down for optics. If I had good averages in both of those classes I'd blow this round of exams off for this Halloween, but I can't afford to do bad on either...especially biochemistry.

I didn't want to tell anyone I was no longer going so noone makes me feel bad, but I told one of my friends who I went costume shopping with and I already have a missed call and a couple of texts urging me to reconsider. "Just come for an hour".......UUhhhhhhh yea that never works. I just can't!

Ughhhhhh I swear after Monday I'm going to do something fun every single day that week.

Jason Mraz, Biker Jacket, Retinoscopy, Zumba, Winter

Oh Happy Day!!!!!

Or more like a happy last 24 hours.

Today I got stamped for BOTH retinoscopy and the slit lamp. It takes like a month to get one procedure down at a time for me...getting two stamps in a day was REALLY exciting. This means that I am now capable of determining your refractive error for your glasses/lenses prescription and evaluating the heath of the front of your eye. WOOOHOOOOOOO! I ask that you please try and contain your jealousy.

Last night during an emergency mall trip I found the cutest looking biker-inspired jacket on clearance at Bebe Sport. As cute as it was on the rack, it was even way cuter on! Then, on the cash register it rang up even cheaper than I thought. Wait there's more....and I got an additional $25 off for spending whatever it was I spent in that store!!!!!!

Last night I received the most heartwarming "hey I know what you're going through and I'm here for you" message from a classmate (Blondie, reference from old diary). I was so touched that I just wanted to do nothing but be nice and spread the love to everyone around me.

After 3 months of saying I will, I finally actually went to Zumba class! It was too much aggressive butt shaking I don't know if I'll go again, but I've been regularly going to gym! Oh and since it finally got slightly cool and me and my roomie were so excited that we converted the upstairs balcony to a makeshift study room with cushions, lamps, and sheets and towels covering the rails so we don't have to wear hijab.

Finally, thanks a dear classmate of mine Iwill now be attending the upcoming and very exciting Jason Mraz concert!!!!!

If you've got the poison I've got the remedy the remedy

Nowadays you can't discuss politics with your colleagues

Scene: university shuttle
Student 1: I wonder if it's too late to submit an absentee ballot
Student 2: No you have until Friday to do that, go do that! Wait, you're voting for McCain right?
Student 1: (silence)
*Everyone eyes everyone else wondering how safe it is to speak*
Studnet 2: McCain right?
Student 1: Well I just really don't like Sarah Palin
Student 2: Oh come on she's not the one running for president
Student 1: I'm just not going to talk about this

Scene: a car with students on the way back from a university service event. The driver notices a painted sign on a back window
Student 1: (reading) Honk if you're voting for McCain.......
*Everyone eyes everyone else wondering how safe it is to speak*
Student 2: (shouting) RUN THEM OVER!!!!!!!!!!!

Scene: University Shuttle Again
Student 1: I just got my state license here so I can be allowed to vote here
Student 2: You're voting for McCain right?
*Everyone eyes everyone else wondering how safe it is to speak*
Student 1: Ummmm....no
Student 2: WHAT?????
Student 1: (feels her blood boiling) I'm just really strongyly.....prochoice (that's probably not her main reason. She just wanted a quick bailout of a potential brawl)

Scene: Off campus restaurant after an exam where we got into a discussion about health insurance companies
Me: and that's why I'm voting for Obama
*Everyone eyes everyone else wondering how safe it is to speak*
Student 1: Well ummmm errrrr eeekkkkk.....ok I just won't say anything

The American Consumer: RIP

Back when the family business was exponentially better than it is today (that would be the 90s) my parents never seriously thought to invest in anything......no stockmarket, no corporate property, etc. They just wanted a house and a business that was paid off and so we were big pimpin in the malls all day. We were also dining out as a family twice in a typical week. First I'd have arguments with my dad because he only wanted to go to Shoney's or Denny's.

Not only were the cash flow and credit cards (was given one at 16) in abundance, but prices just weren't what they are now. In high school I never imagined a pair of $200 designer jeans. Yea we did go through that Doc Martens phase but those ugly shoes lasted you years. In fact, my 3 pairs are still in existence; my mom whose famous for throwing everything away is holding on tight to those.

We just don't live like that nowadays.

So where would be a good place economically on the globe to move to?

Syrian Raid: Why on earth am I just now hearing about this?

Apparently this is like more than a day old!

U.S. military helicopters launched a rare attack inside Syria on Sunday. The Syrian government said eight people were killed, including four children. But local officials said that seven men were killed. A U.S. military official said the attack was aimed at al-Qaida-linked foreign fighters.

Syria blasts US after deadly raid

I was either too engrossed in a mycology/parasitology exam (I passed wooohoooo), too fascinated by the family tragedy of Jennifer Hudson, or perhaps it's not me at all and that this was in fact not classified as a major news headlines especially considering Sarah Palin just spent like $75,000 on some clothes at Neiman Marcus (has noone told her about Last Call?)

but Holy Crap!

New CD Therapy

There are times when nothing relaxes me and puts me in the mood to study like a new CD can....and I'm one of those people that still pays for music nowadays. I've been known to memorize albums while preparing for exams like most recently the self-titled 3 Down Down album and Who We Are by Lifehouse.

I'm motivated to go to the library and get my own study room to sit in all day if I just bought a new album. I get excited about discovering the undiscovered, unreleased tracks that will have my finger compulsively on the repeat button of my ipod (or one click on rewind).

A little bit of anxiety and restlessness while trying to cram for my Monday's parasitology/mycology exam had be strolling the music aisles of Target earlier today. I was intending on picking up the new Pink album but realized it's actually not out yet. Then I got stuck between Tupac's Greatest Hits (vol 1), Goo Goo Dolls Greatest Hits (vol 1), One Republic's Dreaming Out Loud, and Sublime's self-titled which I actually had when I was like 13 but have no clue where it's buried now. I decided on the latter 2 and I'm getting pretty excited to learn about primary amoebic meningoencephalitis and the pathophys of entamoeba histolytica!

I now leave you with timing-appropriate and pretty catchy Dear Mr. President by Pink! Hmm I wonder who Pink is voting for....

Let me tell you 'bout hard work

Minimum wage with a baby on the way

Let me tell you 'bout hard work

Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away

Let me tell you 'bout hard work

Building a bed out of a cardboard box

Let me tell you 'bout hard work

and now for some girly drama for ur mama

Which I like to stray far away from as long as I can help it.

I'm starting to make this connection between girls who attended strict segregated high schools or came from super strict households where they weren't allowed to do anything and those that end up living their high school drama during their adult lives. I can't even tell you how many times I observed this.

Last night at a cultural event in a different city that "hot Jordanian guy" (reference from my old diary) told me about I sat on the same table with the most irritating female. Other than the friend I took with me and HJG, I didn't know anyone going there. I happily bumped into some familiar faces at the door: my roomie's friend who came with her mom and sis. HJG was sitting on a table with a few guys and 2 girls; they had empty seats and motioned for the 5 of us us to join them as they added chairs and rearranged themselves.

One of the girls decided she didn't reallylike us. She's a senior at my uni but I've never seen her before. She didn't acknowledge us and kept having whispered conversations with the guys on either side of her (one being HJG). When HJG cut her whispering off to introduce us she gave me the most painfully forced smile then completely turned her head away from me back to him, never saying a word to me. I asked her a general getting-to-know-you question to break the ice and she answered mumbling while totally looking away from me. HJG is friendly by nature and probably felt a bit responsible for our comfort and enjoyment considering he invited us, so he was conversing with us and she seemed annoyed but didn't join in. She just gave up and moved on to sit between 2 other guys and resumed the giggled whispering. The other girls knew her from school, but they weren't really trying to talk to her.

I don't know what it was about us that bothered the girls (who are sisters btw), especially the one so much. Maybe it was that we were hijabis and looked like stereotypical good muslim girls, maybe it was the presence of the mother, or maybe it was something to do with these girls knowing her from way back when that made her uncomfortable. She may have felt like we would judge her. She may have thought we would gossip about her and didn't want to give anyone an opportunity to do so.

Towards the end of the night she warmed up a little bit to me largely due to the efforts of HJG. When I was telling my roomie about the event I asked her if she knew that girl since we go to the same uni and my roomie's been here forever. I was curious about the girl's behavior but didn't want to directly ask cause it would sound like gossip, so I just added "I don't think she likes me very much". To which my roomate replied "she's very weird". She went to the local strict Islamic school. She used to wear hijab and took it off in college. According to my roomie, sometimes when she bumps into her the girl will act like she has no clue who she is, and sometimes she'll be really friendly.

Interesting observations, and I don't think I'll be making friends with her during my time here.

Your elders on facebook

I think it's just weird!

My mom is always checking up on my facebook. She's not on facebook herself but she makes her friend's daughter show her my facebook. She'll call me afterwards to ask me why I gained weight (I haven't) or yell at me for shopping ("I've never seen that shirt before"). I'm used to her by now, plus she's just my mom.

However recently khalti (maternal aunt) requested me on facebook. Why did facebook give her an account? I mean I don't have anything bad on there but like a lot of khalat out there she's a bit on the judgemental side.

I couldn't justify not accepting her but now I feel like my private space is being invaded.

All in a day's work

Some of the worst feelings.....

Just missed fajr, like by minutes

Get up an hour after your alarm on test day

Find that you've lost your lab handouts the morning of your lab practical exam

Realize while reviewing right before an exam how much you really don't know

Blank out during the exam that you've studied more for than any other course exam

Followed by some of the best feelings...

Hand in the final part of the hardest exam you will have all semester

Jog a whole mile without stopping, something you haven't done in a while

Getting on the scale and realizing you're at your lowest weight in years

Hanging out with people you see every day but don't really know, and actually have a really good time!

"Muslims for McCain reject protesters"

I took this clip courtesy of the American News Project, the headline from AOL news. I'm sure confrontations like this have been occurring at McCain rallies everywhere considering the polarized crowds in attendance.......and someone got it on tape!

It's nice to see McCain supporters at the rally denounce the actions of the hateful people we all read about. I wonder though if they would have done the same had there not been a microphone, camera, and reporter in their face asking them if they support the 'protestors'.

My favorite line is "Are you deliberately trying to get us to lose this election?" Oh and when you watch this can you please tell me what the man was saying before the word "madrassa", it sounded like a whole bunch of mumbling but I really wanna know what he was trying to say. I wonder how he would have answered if the reporter asked him what a "madrassa" was.

More exciting than this being taped is that it was on the homepage of AOL news!

Missing out on great opportunity

We're always informed of community service and volunteer opportunities that we can do as first years, but there was one particular upcoming event that just had me really excited to get to be a part of. It involves working with the Special Olympics where we're on destination along with a whole bunch of other volunteer healthcare providers for a weekend to provide (or assist in providing) eye care where needed to the handicapped members. Many of these people are also underprivileged. Aside from the rewarding and humbling experience you get with this type of service, there are also some nice perks that come along. For one, this year it's in Disney World!

Mind you they're not actually paying for our way there and the compensation for room and board probably won't cover our costs, but this is still a perk!

I signed up for it as soon as I found out months ago knowing very well that that Monday I will be having 2 exams. I figured I could find ways to make it work. I would just study in advance. Maybe I could do really well on the first round of exams so that I wouldn't be under as much pressure for the second round. Maybe I could arrange it so that there will be some downtime there for me to study. The event is in 2 weekends and the papers confirming my participation were due today. Up until last night I was still trying to convince myself I can still go.

This morning I had to turn down the opportunity. It's just that I haven't started studying for those 2 exams and won't be for the rest of this week considering I have other exams before then. I didn't do so well on the first round of exams so the pressure is definitely there. The biggest detriment to my academic performance thus far is that I'm doing too many other things. Until I figure out how to be superwoman I have to prioritize, and this is what it came down to.

I'm still really disappointed.

Not drinking sets me apart from the class

The fact that I don't drink and don't like to be around it has definitely formed somewhat of a schism between me and my colleagues. I've realized that people who want to drink don't like to be around people that don't drink when all they want to do is get drunk. Maybe it makes them feel bad about themselves since such extreme behavior is associated with social irresponsibility and immaturity (there are some serious alcoholics in my class).

I was out with a colleague recently after an exam and although she didn't say anything I felt that it was bothering her that she couldn't drink, much less get drunk. She kept asking about the drinks and browsing the drink menu but then hesitating and not ordering each time. I didn't suggest to her that her drinking would bother me, but she knows I don't drink and may have felt too self-conscious to do that around me.

I've learned that when people are under a lot of stress and have little free time they usually would prefer to spend it getting crazy drunk, probably to get as far away from the mental pressure as possible, which I admit can really break you if you don't find your outlet. I'm still trying to find mine. It's not fair! why can't it be that easy for me too? Finding that outlet on the spiritual level is quite powerful, but it takes a lot more effort and sometimes it's not there. and yea this is totally related to the "becoming bad" post on my old diary some of you may have read.

What inspired all these thoughts at this moment is a recent facebook chat I had with an upperclassman

Asma: keefik?

moomoo: am good

how r u?

Asma: I'm ok

I sent you a text, did you get it

I'm gonna see a movie tonight with a friend, you're welcometo join us

Moomoo: well i got ur message

but am depressed

Asma : :(

Moomoo: soo am going to get drunk

My ethnicity is "not Hispanic"

I recently filled out a school-related survey and was a bit surprised that there were only 2 choices to this question, but even more surprised at what those 2 choices were.

What is your ethnicity?

_Hispanic or Latino

_Not Hispanic or Latino

I'm no longer "other", my new ethnicity is "not Hispanic"

In related news, this really cute Latino guy said Salaam Alaikum to me and asked if I needed help carrying my stuff.

Emotions

I hung up the phone annoyed. The more I thought about it the tenser I got. As I was stuck in traffic the final “Listen I’m sleeping now” repeated itself in my head….but I really needed to talk.

I made circles in the parking garage.

“Listen I’m sleeping now”

The first free spot was on the 6th floor. I waited a minute for the elevator but I couldn’t stand still any longer.

“Listen I’m sleeping now”

I shuffled down the outdoor stairs carrying a too-heavy tote bag with too-thin straps that felt like they were cutting into my shoulder. Man it’s humid today. I stopped to take a big textbook out to carry instead.

“Listen I’m sleeping now”

As I sped walked down the paved walkway the baby ducks failed to amuse me this morning. The guy ahead who intended to open the door for me was too slow, so I circled him and went through the other door. I further picked up the pace and marched through the library into the packed computer lab.

“Listen I’m sleeping now”…….but I told you I really needed to talk.

I decided to respond with an email in a fit of anger and passion. I released the pent up frustration in the form of typed words and quickly wiped off the tears induced so no one would spot my lack of composure. 5 paragraphs and two wet sleeves later I clicked ‘send’. I went to the bathroom to release final tears and continued on to the anatomy lab.

As the day went on I started feeling hints of guilt and regret. That wasn’t really called for. It’s going to hurt feelings, to say the least. I hoped I didn’t open a pandora’s box with the adjectives and adverbs I used.

You know what though...this could be a good thing. It could bring about an “I had no idea” or maybe an apology. That’s it! This will be the turning point in our increasingly bumpy relationship.

The next time I checked my email I had 4 separate replies: The first overly defensive, angry, and full of accusations followed by three short and softer ones, perhaps inspired by a similar moment of regret I head earlier, but nowhere near apologetic. I replied with an “I knew you wouldn’t understand.”…not the most mature or even honest reply, but enough to appease me at the moment.

I made my second cry and reapply (makeup) trip to the library bathroom. I did like Sara Barielles and bottled it up to continue on with my day.

"Joe the plumber has gone to sleep"

This breaking news headline from Keith Olbermann had me cracking up so hard.

So who is Joe the Plumber?

His name was mentioned like 35 times in the last debates. He seems like an intelligent guy. He’s also pretty cute.

He came on the scene after a meeting with Obama where he expressed his concerns about raising taxes for those making $250,000 considering he has plans to buy the company he works for. Although he doesn't admit to it, he's clearly voting for McCain.

All guys have player potential!

Me: X still talks to me

Angela: Still!!!! (it’s been years since I’ve even seen him). Do you think you could ever see yourself with him?

Me: well I still don’t feel anything for him.

Ok I have a confession. He’s going to be in town soon and offered to take me out to dinner (with the excuse of having me sample the food of his local culture that permeates the region I live in). And I said yes.

Angela: I don’t think that’s so bad. Maybe when you see him again you’ll find that you could actually be attracted to him.

Me: I'm open to that. At the same time I feel pretty guilty because I know he likes me. I really really don’t want to end up hurting him.

Angela: (smirking and some noise that sounds like grunting)

Me: hahahaha. Ok I know what you’re thinking

Angela: GUYS DO IT ALL THE TIME. Just use and lose!!!

Me: True, but do you think HE would do it? (he’s an exceptionally nice guy)

Angela: I know that I wouldn’t put it past any guy.

It’s true! Guys do it all the time. From the most religious to the rich to the poor, the liberal, the geek, the ugly , the cute, the socially awkward...…..all guys have player potential. Guys can effortlessly talk to 3 girls simultaneously and have each girl believe she’s the one.....then drop 2 overnight. When another girl passes by he won’t hesitate to drop the third too.

Welcome to the diary sequel

If you got to browse the pages of diaryofasoom, just consider yourself priveleged.

Welcome to my new space!