Do you suffer from text anxiety?

Thanks to this site. You probably have test anxiety if you answer YES to four or more of the following:

I have a hard time getting started studying for a test.

When studying for a test, I find many things that distract me.

I expect to do poorly on a test no matter how much or how hard I study.

When taking a test, I experience physical discomfort such as sweaty palms, an upset stomach, a headache, difficulty breathing, and tension in my muscles.

When taking a test, I find it difficult to understand the directions and questions.

When taking a test, I have difficulty organizing my thoughts.

When taking a test, I often “draw a blank.”

When taking a test, I find my mind wandering to other things.

I usually score lower on a test than I do on assignments and papers.

After a test, I remember information I couldn’t recall during the test.

As for me personally I think I have pre-test anxiety more than I have actual test anxiety.....like right now for example. However, all joking aside, anxiety is really when one of the worst feelings in the world. It's fear, panic, tension, nervousness, and it's irrational. I just have to keep reminding myself that whatever happens the world is not going to end and noone's opinion of me should matter as much as my own and God's.

Good luck on finals guys!

Who the hell shops at midnight? (A Black Friday post)

Scene: midnightish..studying the nerve supply to the head and neck with "Mimi"

Me: I'm getting kinda depressed that I'm not going to get to partake in Black Friday festivities this year. I just can't do all the traffic and lines tomorrow

Mimi: My sister told me that the outlet mall is opening at midnight

Me: WHAT???? that's right now. I bet noone is there, who the hell would think to go shopping at midnight? Let's go, we'll be in and out in an hour!

Mimi: Ok

Summary of night's events: The highway and the roads were empty until I got to about 3 miles from the mall. Then it very suddenly turned into bumber to bumper traffic where it took about 30 minutes to get to the mall from that point. If I was smarter I would have parked on the median and jogged there especially considering it's been like 3 days since I worked out.

So when we actually get to the mall I was shocked at the sight. This is one of the largest malls I've ever been to and there was NO EMPTY PARKING SPOTS. We had to park in these random grassy areas and hop through bushes and over mud holes as if we were in some type of military training camp. Did I mention at this point it was like.....1 AM????

There was a HUGE line wrapping around a part of the mall and we traced it to realize it was coming from the Coach store. What's up at Coach? An extra 10% off your purchase, PULLLEEEAAAAZZZEEEEE Coach is ugly anyway. I found one of my classmates in that line with dark circles around her eyes and restrained myself from yelling at her.

First stop was Juicy Couture; it was elbow to elbow traffic and I felt like bitch slapping someone with my Optics workbook. Don't these people know we have 4 finals this week? Seriously folks, get out of our way. After 15 minutes I was afraid I'd run out of oxygen and got out of there. No luck at Theory or Miss Sixty, and then finally to the reason why I shop nowadays: MICHAEL KORS! Mimi was was completely drained by now so she volunteered for the low-energy job of saving a spot in line for me as I did some speed shopping....I came out lucky with a couple of pieces and we couldn't wait to get out of there.

Better planning next year!

I wouldn't want your plane to crash

In Islam we believe "du3aa il musafir mustajab" (the prayer of the traveling person is answered). My cousin is flying to Jordan tomorrow morning and I took the opportunity as I was saying my final goodbyes to ask her to make some duaa.

Cousin: Do you want me to add you to the du3aa list

Me: The most important thing right now is I want you to pray that I pass all my classes and that I graduate when I'm supposed to

Cousin: hmmmm I think there should be another one

Me: Yea, and make duaa that the next guy that comes my way is someone I can actually be with. Someone that PRAYS, preferably as educated as me, and it wouldn't hurt to be cute

Cousin: So you want a guy that prays, cute, and is a .......doctor?

Me: that's not exactly what I said, but why not

Cousin: I'm afraid if I made that duaa the plane might crash

Me: (hysterical laughter)

Unintentionally Overheard

My dear roomie would have had no way of knowing that I had decided to skip class all day and was actually home. My car wasn't parked in the driveway, I left it in the distant lot...and the door of my room was shut which usually means I'm not there...but I was lying down in bed sulking and contemplating how I was going to get out of the hole I dug myself into.

As usual when she walked in she was talking on her cell with (most likely) her best friend. I was casually eavesdropping, but my ears perked up when conversation took a turn to recalling the events of the last couple of days. I was curious if she was going to comment on a specific issue, if perhaps she heard anything, or just knows something....and then it came.

"He really really likes her ......No, he's like crazy in love with her .....I can tell"

It didn't take long to confirm my suspicions. The "her" was me. My primary thought was.....oooohh AWKWARD eeeeeekk

Long days make crazy nights

When the unacceptable turns into norm

When the occasional vice turns into routine habit

When your conscious is numb

When the red lines are crossed

When your finding your own drugs to indulge in

When you escape reality all too frequently

When implementing self-control becomes the hardest thing to do

Seriously, where do you stop and draw the line?

Ya Allah ihdeena 3ala sirat il mistaqeem

I didn't get to see Twilight on opening day but

.....I got to see it the next day! (No Spoilers Kinzi)

I made plans with roomie #1 and I got annoyed when her significant other decided to make a surprise appearance in town 2 days early, ugghhh men! J/K it's cool. So I dragged 2 friends the next day which is quite the mission considering we all have finals. We were proudly the oldest people in the theater who weren't there with our kids.

As you know I was obsessed with the book that I completed in 2 days (I'm exercising great self restraint to not compulsively read the sequel New Moon). If it wasn't for the book I honestly don't know if I would have been interested in wanting to see this. Neither of 2 friends read the book so I was concerned if they'd like it, but they both totally loved it!

Reviews aren't my thing nor do I like reading detailed reviews, but I definitely enjoyed this movie! Of course it's not as good as the book. A 2 hour movie could never do a 500 page glorious fantasy love story proper justice. The movie was basically the beginning and the end of the book put together. I was disappointed that the movie didn't elaborate on the development of the love story between Edward and Bella, nor did it highlight why on earth this group of vampires are so interested in protecting this fragile human girl to the extent where they are putting their own safety and entire livelihood on the line. The fight wasn't really about Bella. They filmakers had a great story and concept to work with but they didn't develop it to its full potential.

Two things they did do an awesome job with is (1) the selection of the soundtrack and (2) developing the setting and creating the characters (character development was something else). The town of Forks, the red truck, Charlie, Jacob, the kids at school, and Bella's house were all very similar to the way my imagination painted them to be while reading the book. They even did a decent job of balancing the Cullens as a creepy-looking, awkwardly social yet attractive and ostentatious group of people.

So overall, there were missing pieces in the movie but it was definitely still entertaining in a guilty pleasure kinda way.

Is Arabic Music part of mainstream pop culture?

Do you remember back in the day singing Bailamos and Livin la vi da loca? Imagine people walking around humming the tunes of yatabtab and tanoora....for me that's actually a scary thought. Ok maybe this isn't the best comparison considering the former two were primarily in English, but it respresented a time when the masses took interest in music of the Latino culture. Is the same trend evolving with Arabic music amongst the Western audience? If you ask me, yes! or something like it.

Or maybe it's the people I hang out because it's all around me and I don't even reside in an area with a large arab population by any means. Yesterday I was hanging out with 2 friends at an arab-owned establishment that'll sometimes play Arabic music. A song came on that was undifferentiable to me from the one played before it and the one played after it. Their eyes both lit up as they simultaneously annouced "OH my God I love this song!" Neither of them are arab; one is of Iranian background the other is mixed ethnically (no arab blood).

When I told them I didn't know it they almost seemed annoyed at me, like they were sitting in the presence of an ignoramous. For the most part the only arabic songs I know are those that I hear over and over at celebrations. "Oh so you're like a fares karam-nancy ajram kind of girl then?" Wow! I was totally impressed my friend had enough knowledge to be able to make that conclusion.

Weeks before I was hanging out at a similar place that had Arabic music videos playing on a muted corner television so that we can only see the cheesy scenes. One of the people with me, a very Southern White girl, wanted to know if what was on the screen was "that boosi wawa song". She then added her own commentary that it was such a silly song. So not only can she identify arabic songs, but she made a differentiation between "good" ones and "bad" ones. That reminds me, my roomie asked me on several occasions if I can burn an Arab CD for her that she can listen to when working out.

You could say it could be because the people I was hanging out with may also have a lot of arab friends, but I have a lot of Asian friends and I could never identify an asain song or name a singer. There seems to be more interest in Arabic pop music than the pop music of other minorities nowadays (maybe except for Latinos). Any theories?

Divide and Conquer: when your friends fight

So what happens when 2 close friends who are also in the same social circle have a falling out? Often times their selfish human instincts put them in a competition to get people on their side as opposed to the other or even as opposed to staying neutral.

So what do you do when 2 associates of yours get in a fight? It's really hard to stay out sometimes and you could get dragged in whether you intend to or not, especially if they make it everyone's business by going around talking about it to everyone.

Do you side with whoever you think committed the least wrong? or do you favor loyalty and stick with the person you're closer to despite the fact that deep down inside you thought it was his/her actions that were unjust to the other person?

If you happened to have a problem with one of the 2 individuals that's completely unrelated to the fight would you capitalize on the situation to go against that person at that moment and justify the other's claim of innocence? People do this subconsciously all the time, just watch The Hills and you'll know!

I personally like to identify the mistakes made. My best friend could get in a fight with the most annoying person in the world but if I thought what she did was wrong I'd have no problem recognizing that. I try really hard not to let someone else's problem with a person affect my relationship with that person unless it's something that could affect me...like for example if stealing or psychotic behavior was involved (hey it happens).

My new reading addiction: The Twilight Series

About three things I was absolutely positive.

First, Edward was a vampire.

Second, there was a part of him-and I didn't know how dominant that part might be-that thirsted for my blood.

And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

I bought this book last night and as of 10AM this morning I was already on page 260! I even got a full 8 hours of sleep. It's amazingly addicting, and considering I have finals in 2 weeks I have added incentive to keep on reading it hahaha.

I never grew out of the young adult book section and Twilight fulfills all my vampire romance danger fantasies. I even get to indulge in super human capabilites like mind reading and Hulk-like strength.

What's more exciting is knowing that when I finish this one there are 3 more parts! That's right, this book is part of a series with the sequels titled New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. Also number 5 is currently in the works titled Midnight Sun. I haven't read a series since Shopaholic years ago. I would order the boxed set online to save me money but I'm just afraid I wouldn't get it fast enough. I don't think I'd be able to wait a day in between and I've already texted my reader friends telling them they have to get this book. Stephanie Meyer should totally add me to the payroll.


Oh, and at the movie theatre the other day I saw a preview of the Twilight movie coming soon!!!!!!! That reminds me I still need to go watch the Secret Life of Bees.

Guys don't hug your hijabi friends

Everyone has different standards and I'm not judging anyone here, but most likey it's not ok.

I would accept such innocence from non muslim boys but when you're another fellow Arab Musim, you should really know better. You put us on the spot to have to reject your advance without seeming like an uptight snob, or just praying to God noone in the crowded corridor saw that.

I can hear it now: Oh my God did you see that?....what a hypocrite

I mean even tattooed biceps guy knew better than to offer more than a handshake and a tap on the elbow, and at least he's a pretty hot resident so it would have been.....not so uncomfortable....j/k

It doesn't mean we don't like you, we could be in love with you but still prefer that you just didn't do that. Now don't be surprised if the next time I run into you I act like I don't see you and keep on walking.

I fell right out of my chair and it sounded like a bomb

One of the most empowering feelings in the world is when you work your ass of for something and actually get results!

For me this week was the real test. I had to demonstrate proficiency in the 5 main procedures we've learned all semester that actually have to do with my field. The past 2 weeks included lots of late nights and weekends in the lab to prepare for this and the whole setup is pretty intimidating. It's common that people will fail what's called a checkout.

Round 1 was on Tuesday and I was the very first person to get called in. I was nervous as hell when that timer started and fumbled absolutely everything. I wasn't at all surprised when I got an email later that day saying I'm going to have to retake one of 2 checkouts I had that morning (the other I passed with flying colors). I was pretty disappointed in myself that I walked to the dean's office right after to admit my mistakes through tears because I knew he's going to tell me to calm down and it's not the end of the world to fail one checkout (and he did). He proceeded to tell me stories about the times he messed up as a student, and this guy ran a very successful practice. Then we talked about cars.

This morning I had the other 3 which are actually much more challenging. I did lots of deep breathing and prayed that I wouldn't have any brain farts again when the timer started. You wouldn't believe this but out of nervousness I fell right out of my chair while performing retinoscopy. The chair hitting the metal sounded like a bomb went off and I freaked out everyone including my poor mock patient. My preceptor was compassionate enough to stop the timers and make everyone stop what they were doing and wait for me to collect myself before we all resumed. Afterwards we had a nice laugh.

I was refreshing my email inbox all day waiting for that email and finally got it around 5 PM. My scores were 92, 95, and 100 and I couldn't be more elated! I said alhamdulilah 100 times over. I was able to determine the prescriptions right on the money and my mistakes were more of little careless errors largely due to nerves. 7 hours later and I still feel like I'm on top of the world.

I decided I really needed a night off and do normal things. So me and my friend went and strolled the mall.........and not regular people mall but fancy, rich people mall. We figured it would prevent us from buying things when a plain shirt is equivalent to gas for a month. I was annoyed to see a pair of pants I paid 80 bucks for 2 weeks ago now on sale for 40.....oh well! I just bought another one in a different color. I bought a few things from the cheaper stores including new workout clothes from so that I don't have to do laundry so much and another vest which is like the funnest article of clothing to buy when you lose a lot of weight. The night ended with sushi dinner and my favorite banana tempura desert......all in moderation of course!

I said remember that....Love is, what I got

Or is it "lovin' is what I got"??? Anyway, don't start a riot, cause you might get runover, or you might get shot

Ahhhhh so much on my mind

So little time

I just wanted to write this post to remind everyone to be grateful for everything despite the madness and see the endless beauty in life today!

Now I'll go have my happy 5 hours of sleep :)

My hooked on your blog award

Some blogger somewhere must have started passing around this cute button and it was given to me by fellow comrade in arms, Goofy Girl! thanks :)

Dear heart,

Please stop beating like I'm running a never ending marathon
Stop your demand for so much oxygen as if I'm deep sea diving
You're the greatest indicator of my nervousness
You put the rest of me on overdrive to compensate
to appear confident and under control

The morning jogs
the multivitamins with unpronounceable names
the self-reflection
the productivity
they failed to appease you

Please don't keep me up for hours experiencing your palpitations
Don't wake me up at the crack of dawn with your ferocious "LUB-DUBBING"
Let me be able to eat solid food again

You're the constant reminder of what I don't need to think about 24/7

Just cooperate to ensure it'll all be over in a couple of days

Love,
your caretaker

I caught the football!

I didn't want to jump in the game and annoy everyone with my football skills which include "can't catch the football to save my life" and "can't throw the football either". Don't get me wrong I am a fit girl, just not an athletic one.

However I didn't want to be the stereotypically hijabi on the sidelines watching everyone have fun, and I was still high from that morning's 3 mile speed walk. It's a beautiful day, a lot of people had started walking to the beach already, so eff this.....I'm going in!

I was upbeat and perky which made people think it was a good idea to keep throwing the ball to me, and I proved to be great at stopping the football with my body. I would jump towards it with my arms outstretched intending on catching it but it would just slam into my body instead. I'll count how many bruises I incurred when they start showing up in their full form by tomorrow morning. I also could swear I fractured my wrist at one point, but since I can type this I can put that to rest.

People usually give you some kind of heads up when they want to throw to you and my eyes widened when the tall Jewish kid who plays every sport pointed in my direction to get ready. "Wow he's kinda far", I thought. It went up really high and was coming down far from me so I had to run to it with my arms up in the air. I jumped, caught it with both hands, hugged it tightly against my chest, and landed with both feet on the ground all with minimal shrieking.

"I FINALLY CAUGHT THE BALL YAYYYY" I cheered for myself and it seemed like the whole park followed with a round of applause and some hoots!

NFL training camp here I come!!!!!!!

Emblogessment: fear of blog discovery

"I found your blog, by the way," he said

I paused in fear. "Oh, which one?" I asked. I irregularly posted to a personal journal, but I'd been writing in the fat blog three or four times a week lately.

"xxxxx.com, the weight-loss blog."

Only the solemnity of the occasion (this was at a funeral) kept me from slapping my hands to my cheeks and imitating the Edvard Munch painting, The Scream. There should be a word for the feeling of fear and horror when you realize a family member had discovered your blog. Emblogessment, perhaps? I suddenly tried to remember the content of every one of my two hundred entries in the span of two seconds. Had I said anything about him?

"Oh," I eeped.

"It's a great site. I'm really proud of you."

"Thanks," I said. Had he told anyone else about this?

This is an excerpt from the current memior I'm reading and not a conversation I was actually a part of, THANK GOD!!!!

Where were you when Barack Obama was announced president?

Legend has it that if the Washington Redskins win their game before election day, the incumbent party wins. If they lose, the opposing party wins. On November 3rd, election eve, they lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers 6-23.

Across the country and maybe even the world this was a memorable enough moment that I for one will always remember. I was sitting in this tiny yet packed Arab cafe with 4 others. We were watching the electoral vote update on the muted screen hung in the corner and the owner had a James Blunt CD on repeat. We were all getting text message updates from various loved ones, I replied back to most of them saying "yea I know I'm watching :)". One of the girls I was with proudly announced she voted for McCain but admitted she knew he had no choice. Had she said that a bit louder (the voting for mccain part) we would have been ostracized from the rest of the crowd there.

The excitement and hint of nervousness was thick in the air. There were lots of weak jokes, lots of praying, lots of hi-fiving and hugging. It was sometime close to midnight when a news flash announced that Barack Obama is now the 44th president of the USA. By then it was just me and one other girl from our group and we stuck around waiting for that moment. Everyone got on their feet and stood around the TV as the sound came on and the room alternated from emotional jubilee to an exhausted speechlessness.

We listened to McCain say his final words and I thought it was a bit odd that he called this day a victory for African Americans as opposed to a reason for all to celebrate. When he mentioned Sarah Palin the room moaned and groaned. We stuck around until Obama made his speech as we were bombarded with text messages.

It was late, it was a weekday, we all got up early to see to our daily life obligations, some of us spent hours in lines, and I now felt safe to call it a night. I just hoped I wouldn't fall asleep at the wheel driving home. This morning definitely feels like a brand new day!

Praying at the Mosque these days

I've been having the urge to go pray in the masjid. I've been craving the comfort that comes with worship in unity during these demanding times. It's kind of funny that I want to now because I was bad with going to the masjid during Ramadan when the crowd is exponentially larger and the rewards greater.

The first time I decided I really wanted to go the masjid for Isha I realized I had no clue what time they pray or whether the women section remains open during off peak times. However sub7anallah at the athan of Isha I found myself in the masjid parking lot. The lot was empty except for like 2 cars. I saw no lights on anywhere and nobody walking around. I sat in the car and contemplated whether I should go down or not. I ended up waiting 5 minutes then just drove away hoping noone spotted me looking like a stalker.

The next day I decided what I did was a stupid waste of time and kind of weird. So I did some googling to get the number of the masjid. Thankfully someone answered to tell me they pray at 8 and assured me the women section will be open. Eureka!

I came back at 7:50 PM the next day feeling more confident and thank God I found a balled up abaya in the backseat which has probably been there since Ramadan. Again, there were barely any cars but hey I'm 10 minutes early. Indeed the women section was open and I had to turn the lights on. There were tables and chairs there as if someone was just having a class, and I was annoyed to see opened soda cans and water bottles littering this holy place. I bet you wouldn't see this in the men section.

I sat there cross-legged by myself and was relieved to hear some stirring in the men section. Someone mad Athan...then 8 oclock came and went and I'm still sitting, 8:05, 8:10.....hmmm should I just pray on my own and leave? Could it be they prayed and I don' teven hear them because the intercom is off? Maybe they're just waiting for more people. At 8:15 to my relief a lady walked in. A middle-aged most likely southeast Asain with an almost perfect american accent. She greeted me very warmly and told me they pray at 8:15.

I prayed probably the best Isha prayer I prayed in a while. Since that day, praying Isha at the masjid has been a common study break.