on love and relationships from a wise best friend

This is why my best friend is my best friend. I can tell her (almost) anything without fear of being judged or partronized. Not only that, but she'll always find something positive to say about you. I was going through a little crisis, to sum it up basically I'm scared. I'm scared that I invest too much of myself and that I could be heartbroken. There is noone else I would rather talk to about it, so I sent her a facebook message when I knew she wasn't available to talk. She replied back with a really long message that had me in tears and feeling so much better. I'm posting parts of it here because I'm sure some of you gals out there might get something out of hearing this too.

Me:

Seriously I think I have a problem. I can't stop obsessing over this. As much as I kept telling myself that I'm not even going to think about it I always do!!!! I dreamt about it all last night. ...........I can't help it, thinking about these things and holding on to the hope that this might turn into something real is one of the few pleasures of my daily life. It's like sometimes life sucks without having this to think about so I become all obsessive. Then when it doesn't work out, I become so heartbroken because I pinned so much hopes, fantasies, and desires on to it so it has the potential to turn into a huge let down. What is wrong with me????????

Angela:

NOTHING IS WRONG WITH U HUN!! actually u had me literally laughing uncontrollably when i read the pilates daydream .....u know what the truth is that ur just genuinely honest about the things that are going thru ur mind, trust me, that happens to everry girl, and I completely understand what u mean when u say that hinking about one of these daydreams actually becoming reality is one of the few fun happy moments in the day, girl i hear u all the way! To be honest with u, i think part of it we can control and part of it we really cant control.

its exciting to think of life moving to that next phase that we are sooo ready for and to finally have that person who makes it his primary concern to ensure ur wellbeing and happiness, that feels damn good after 20 something years of worrying about yourself all the time and dealing with parents and families who only make it harder instead of easier...All i can say is that i realy think there is a part of it that u can control though, and thats to not invest those hopes and excitment into this particular guy b/c thats what will leave u depressed and upset if thigns dont work out. Its too easy for these damn asshole guys to dissapoint and let us down, and personally after investing my feelings into ......., ........., .......... and God knows who else along the way and letting myself experience heartbreak or betrayal or whatever other damn asshole things guys make u feel, I am so protective of my feelings like very consciousley b/c I know I cant handle the let down or dissapointment again and again, i mean luv and heartbreak can make ppl do crazy things, and esp seeing how crazy xxxxx and xxxxx got and how far they went acting out of stupidity i really was scared about not letting myself get there.

Point being ur not at all crazy, look at what it does to everyone, so let urself enjoy ur daydreams, but realize ur daydreaming about a bigger picture, not this or any specific guy just yet, but it is about whoever is the right guy that Allah (swt) has written for u. so knowing that and believing that Allah (swt) will take care of u and that all the patience and all the pain that u have endured are all going to be worth so much more on the scale of ur good deeds inshallah than any worldy pleasure we will get from some dipshit man ;)

.....yea of course its dissapointing, but think of it as one more conquered obstacle on ur path to love. Honestly, I think all that u go thru in this time and all the things u r forced to learn about urself and all the time u can spend to realize thru seeing others and ur own experiences about what kinda relationship u want etc are so valuable and really do make the difference btween a regular marriage and a happy marriage...

ok i think im writing way too much here but my point is theres nothing wrong with u, but yea dont set urself up for dissapointment b/c of this one particular guy, ....neways hun ur one sexy girl and ur like the funnest person to be around, ur one of those ppl that its like the more and more time someone spends with u instead of getting annoyed by u or sick of u, it just makes them want to be around u even more, so i have no doubt that allah (swt) is just protecting u from the wrong ppl and will unite u inshallah with someone who values all that u r and treats u and gives u everything u deserve!
luv ya,
Angela