I can let my friends know I'm there for them during times of mundane stresses, minor annoyances, and illnesses; however, I'm not really good at reaching out to people when they're going through major personal crises.
A friend who I've referred to as "Mandy" the workaholic in my old diary got married and separated in a matter of months. She's now in the process of obtaining a legal divorce. There was a time when me and her were pretty close. During my 3 months in chicago she got engaged and had a celebration without letting me know, I found out when I saw the pictures on facebook so I was upset and didn't even bother calling her to congratulate. I eventually got over it and sent her a facebook message letting her know that I was happy for her. While I was away in Jordan she got married and moved to a different state and I never spoke to her.
I was shocked recently when my good friend Suzy (old diary reference) told me Mandy moved back with her family a few weeks ago and is getting a divorce. I felt bad as I thought about what she must be going through. I wanted to do something to show her I'm here if she needs me but I had no clue what or how to go about it; so I just let it be while my conscious gnawed at me for being a lazy friend. Suzy on the other hand had no problem calling her up to confirm that the rumor was true and even asking her details about what happened. I could never ask for such details if the info wasn't volunteered to me, I'd feel like it was non of my business and that I'd come off as a gossiper, which is something Suzy is sometimes accused of. I have in fact gotten all my info from Suzy.
Suzy is having a small BBQ tomorrow in honor of my homecoming and Mandy will be there. It's weird to admit but I'm getting anxious about seeing her. I can't just pretend that we didn't used to be good friends and then stopped talking to each other and that she's not going through a shocking divoce (after like 4 months of marriage)......although that's really what I'd prefer to do.
I wouldn't even know where to start. "Hey nice to see you after so long oh and what are you doing home didn't you just get married?"
I can't play the dumb card, how fake is that!
"Hey are you feeling ok I heard about what happened and I'm soooo sorry"
How do I know that won't bother her? Maybe she doesn't wanto be reminded. Maybe she just wants to enjoy herself with the girls today..something that she probably hasn't done in a while.
"Hey you know I'm always here for you"
considering I haven't spoken to her long before she was married that would be a bullshit statement. I should probably have a talk to with Suzy beforehand.