So where has Asoom been all this time????

I wish I can say something more unique and original than to say I've been busy, but the truth is...I've been busy!

I've realized blogging is like working out. When you've been regularly blogging you feel like it's part of what makes your days feel balanced. Once you've gotten out of the habit it's so hard to get back on track.

In case you're wondering, alhamdulilah I'm doing well and I've been discreetly checking up on you from time to time via my google reader.

I'm thinking about starting this super secret anonymous blog about relationships, and love, and meeting guys, the balance between haraam and halaal, the lessons, the experiences, the jerks and the assholes, the complicated ones, etc...basicallly something like the muslim girl version of sex and the city.

Whadayathink???

On Breaking Up

At times I was pretty sure he was "the one", but I've been down this road before and this time I knew to hold some of myself back. In life there are few guarantees. Having the person that once told you you're everything he ever wanted in a girl actually putting a ring on your finger is not of those guarantees. Even if he promised you on numerous occasions that he's going to do whatever it takes to make it work. Yes ladies, not even that is a guarantee. A million things might happen. one of those could be that you're not sure you want it anymore. Things are not really what they once appeared to be. Sometimes the whole thing just takes too long that something just gets ruined.

I've been officially "single" for about 3 full days now. Unlike the 3 times previous where we've decided to part ways, this time I know that I can't go back to the way things were. The circumstances around the breakup are a bit too complicated to say that one dumped the other, it was more like a tit-for-tat kinda thing. He was the first to express doubts on whether or not he wanted to continue. Then we took turns playing the victim and the apologetic and when it was my turn to be apologetic I decided that it was enough. The light switch in my heart turned off and the one in my brain turned on. I don't want to apologize about anything, and this is not the type of relationship I want.

The first thing I did was call my mom to let her know. Then I texted my best friend because coincidentally just the day beforie I was expressing my fears and frustrations about us and whether we were going anywhere because as the good Muslim girl I try to be, I don't want a boyfriend-I want an actual future-husband. Then I felt I should inform my roommate who beared witness to some heated arguments, and also just in case he tries to get a hold of her. After that I did something that I never used to do before he came into my life. I turned my phone off for the rest of the day. I wasn't interested in the barrage of missed calls or text messages that ranged from desperately pleading with me to stating I was cold and insensitive.

How am I feeling right now? honestly, I feel more relieved than anything else. I mean sure I've had moments of sadness. There are some things that provoke memories of the good times and it makes me miss him. Sometimes that's associated with thoughts on the lines of wishing that the guy I end up settling down with will have possess some of those unique qualities and characteristics that attracted me to him in the first place...but those thoughts are short-fleeting. My overall feeling is definitely one of relief. It's as if I was being held down more than I felt comfortable and now I feel like I'm floating free.

Ladies it's good to be optimistic, but when it comes to getting to know someone on a serious level be careful not to become too optimistic, you know what I mean? I think this is a mistake and a lesson I've learned. He possessed a lot of great qualities, but I was focusing on the "great" a little bit too much. I made too many concessions, I made too many excuses, I walked on too many eggshells, I gave too many second chances, I overlooked too many differences, I kept my mouth shut on too many instances, and I gave him too much time.

This is the beginning of my summer break. I don't have to work or study. I have plenty of time for myself. I'm home now with my family and around my closest friends Thus far everyone who knows has been very supportive. So Alhamdulilah it actually couldn't have happened at a better time. This might be Allah's (swt) way of answering my duaa asking to please pull him away from me sooner than later if he's not "the one".

I can't say for sure 100% that at some point we won't end up pursuing things again. What I do know though is that I can't go back to the way things were before we parted ways. I also know that right now I'm feeling quite content.

Home Sweet Home Sweet Home!

The semester is over and I'm now at home with my family after 5 months. It feels soooooooooooooooooooooooooo good :) I had a 22 credit semester and 9 finals plus practicals, so you can just imagine my life the past couple of months-I won't elaborate on the details of my torment.

I bought my ticket the evening before I flew home and I've been here for a couple of days now. I made my sister take me from the airport to find a place that served a popular local entree that I've been deprived of. We had to go to 3 different places to find it. My dad is super happy that I'm back at home. I always thought that me and my dad have a unique relationship that noone else in the house has. We understand each other on a different level than everyone else in the house and I think my dad was really relieved that I'm home now and we can resume our deep discussions on random subjects like the good old days. I spent the next couple of days bumming it with my best friend Angela, actually more like distracting her because she has finals now.

This post is supposed to be about how great it feels to be so free. It feels pretty weird going from having to schedule like every hour in the day and still feeling constantly behind, to not having anything that I have to be doing. My break is about a month and a half long and I know that I need to get on some kind of routine and be somewhat productive before I get too comfortable and have a hard time adjusting back to study mode when I need to.

So I'm making my list of things to get done and starting tomorrow I'm aiming to get back on some form structured routine. The main project on my list is to get back in shape and lose the 10-15 lbs I gained this year. I think that's pretty doable. So starting tomorrow I'm joining the gym. I'm not going to be doing no mickey mouse cardio 30 minute workouts, I'm hitting it hard core! I mean spinning class, kick boxing, power sculpt, etc. My goal is to keep that up a minimum of 5 days week.

The second project is to do a deep cleaning of my house. My mother has been overseas on business errands for some time now and the rest of the family just hasn't been able to keep it down. So every day after I get back from the gym I'll take on one room at a time for a deep cleaning.

My third project is to get some volunteer hours in! There's a new women's shelter that's in the works of opening up soon and I've been thinking about representing in the community as a proactive hijabi muslima and seeing what I can do to help out. Nothing crazy, ideally once or twice a week.

My fourth project is reading!!!! This includes both academic stuff and leisure reading. I had a tough time this past semester and I know that this coming year is supposed to be even more sucky. I approached some of my professors to see if there's anything i can do now while I have free time now that might pay off during the semester. I got some assigned readings and if all goes as planned will be designating a couple hours a day to get ahead. I'm also making my list of fun books to read! Suggestions appreciated.....

Yes and I will probably be blogging more regularly!

I love you my favorite khalti

BUT sorry I'm not accepting your facebook friend request. Nor will I accept your friends requests either. Especially the one who asked me if I consider a marriage proposal from her brother who lives in the blad and speaks minimal English. Seriously why don't you just make my sitti an account while you're at it? It's too much work to block you from viewing certain statuses and from viewing certain albums just in case.

I liked facebook so much better when it was just a college social network.

Everything Good Happens After 30

This is an excerpt from the book I'm currently reading: If you have to cry go outside and other things your mother never told you by Kelly Cutrone. I've just turned 26 but for some reason reading this put me in a good mood. I've had a lot of fun and experienced so much life, however my 20s is (and will be) characterized by lots and lots of hard work and instability. It gets old and I definitely don't want to be living like this forever. Most of my friends my age are "settled" by now, but I've chosen to take a different path in life that although has been a fun ride, the pressures and the uncertainties it comes with is just wearing me out.

I'd like to think that by the time I'm 30 I can start really reaping the benefits from the seeds I have worked to sow in my 20s.

According to Cutrone, here are ten other things to look forward to after you turn thirty:

1) Salary Increase. Hell Yea! Depending on what I choose to do I'd either just finished my residency or already have been working for a year.

2) After having gone through a plethora of designers for clothing, it's time to step it up a notch and charge headlong into the land of overpriced luxury accessories, where I hope you'll encounter some of the same landmarks I did: Globe-trotter, Asprey, Louboutin, Vuitton, Bulgari, Hermes, Roger Vivier. Knowing me I'll be very excited over this one. Some people love painting, some people love photography, some people love cooking, I love fashion!

3) A baby. If you want one. Once me and my future hubby's jobs are stable I will want one. I'll also want help. Ideally it would be a mother or mother-in-law but a nanny might have to do. I don't want to give up my career I'd prefer find the perfect balance between motherhood and being a productive achiever in my field.

4) The desire and the emotional wherewhithal to date three men at the same time without remorse. This one is obviously not for me. As a Muslima, I'm looking forward to being committed to ONE man.

5) Vacations outside the USA sans youth hostel. HELL YEA! I love traveling but I'm always looking for the budget ways to go such as looking into off-peak times and pricelining everything. I'm looking forward to being able to comfortably see parts of the world.

6) Self-control. This is the time when we ride the lion; the lion does not ride us. Like Durga, we sit on top of it and enjoy the ride. I just hope this one is true. If it is that would be an amazing thing especially where weight loss and spending habits are concerned. I can definitely say that the ability to exercise self-restraint and not giving into every whim and indulgence has improved as I've gotten older and more mature, and that's a very liberating feeling.

7) Property ownership, or maybe just your own apartment. I've had my own apartment, and the man in my life has been fortunate enough to experience property ownership in his mid-20s. I do have a very cute place, but I am looking forward to getting to remodel, furnish, and decorate my own place the adult-way and not the broke-student way. Definitely something to look forward to!

8) The ability to buy your own muscle car, if you want one. Not really
into cars that much, I'm happy with the one the Baba gave me. I'd trade this perk for vacations and designer clothing.

9) Decrease in overall paranoia and hysteria, which leads to... At this moment in life that sounds like the best thing to look forward to out of everything in this list LOL

10) Better sex. Definitely better sex. Yet to experience this one so this doesn't apply to me either.

Just keep Swimming Just Keep Swimming Just Keep Swimming

I don't know how some people can do this. They keep going and going and going. You don't soee any apparent signs of the pressure taking its toll on them. You don't hear them complain or grunt. No matter what they're always in class, on time, in dress code. You don't see them downing coffee cup after coffee cup nor do you spot them nodding off in lectures. They're completely calm during their patient examination checkouts as the preceptor is assesing their every move. They just do it!

Me on the other hand. I'm totally spent. I turn to Nemo for valuable advice: Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming swimming. We swim, swim, swim. ...

on brain farts and such

I'm having the biggest brain fart right now. I'm done! that's it neuroanatomy will not stick. It's really frustrating to realize how limited your human mental capacity actually is. The final is Friday and I have borderline grade. I pretty much have to pass the exam to pass the class, but my brain kind of decided to shut down. It's probably my protective survival instant that's kicked in...."hibernate" or "explode".

A person can only take so much before things start to crack. Quotes like "impossible is nothing" and "where there's a will there's a way"are such lies. Clearly those authors didn't go to med school.

I went from being a ball of walking panic to "I don't give 2 ishs" mode. I'M DONE!

I miss having a life.