The Diary Sequel

All this free time

2011-06-12T12:19:00.003-05:00

So I have free time now. This summer I mean, I have free time...wayyyy more than I'm used to! It's really nice actually. I've been working out alot, reading alot, watching a lot of movies, planning random trips (the the west coast of course), and rediscovering the city that I live in. I'm thinking about coming back to blogging again-I just really miss writing!

I haven't decided if I'll start from scratch somewhere else.

A photo summary of today's events....

2011-02-10T18:50:00.001-06:00

Do I still exist on your google reader?

2011-01-16T10:59:00.003-06:00

It's been a while. What's new with you? I'm curious!

As for me things are well alhamdulilah. Im learning to embrace the pressure, work through the pain, and welcome the challenges. A recent achievement that I've worked hard for has tought me that I can reach the limits I set for myself, and then reach beyond them. I've been on cloud 9 and working hard to achieve the next big thing and experience that sense of accomplishment high. It's a great feeling actually!

My new life motto has been "BRING IT ON!" and I'm lovin the new year!

The Butterfly Mosque by Willow Wilson

2010-08-07T15:30:00.002-05:00

I chose this book as my summer break book read after reading a short feature about it in Elle Magazine. The Butterfly Mosque is Willow Wilson's memoir. It's her journey from a liberal agnostic upbringing, to an interest in studying religions, to Islam, to Egypt, to falling in love. More than all of this to me it was about living a harmonious life where you can find room for all of the different parts of yourself. More than anything else it's a human story.

Her non-preaching, honest, raw, intelligent, and very insightful book made it such a refreshing read. I give this book 4.5/5 stars.

So where has Asoom been all this time????

2010-07-25T22:04:00.003-05:00

I wish I can say something more unique and original than to say I've been busy, but the truth is...I've been busy!

I've realized blogging is like working out. When you've been regularly blogging you feel like it's part of what makes your days feel balanced. Once you've gotten out of the habit it's so hard to get back on track.

In case you're wondering, alhamdulilah I'm doing well and I've been discreetly checking up on you from time to time via my google reader.

I'm thinking about starting this super secret anonymous blog about relationships, and love, and meeting guys, the balance between haraam and halaal, the lessons, the experiences, the jerks and the assholes, the complicated ones, etc...basicallly something like the muslim girl version of sex and the city.

Whadayathink???

On Breaking Up

2010-05-09T18:49:00.005-05:00

At times I was pretty sure he was "the one", but I've been down this road before and this time I knew to hold some of myself back. In life there are few guarantees. Having the person that once told you you're everything he ever wanted in a girl actually putting a ring on your finger is not of those guarantees. Even if he promised you on numerous occasions that he's going to do whatever it takes to make it work. Yes ladies, not even that is a guarantee. A million things might happen. one of those could be that you're not sure you want it anymore. Things are not really what they once appeared to be. Sometimes the whole thing just takes too long that something just gets ruined.

I've been officially "single" for about 3 full days now. Unlike the 3 times previous where we've decided to part ways, this time I know that I can't go back to the way things were. The circumstances around the breakup are a bit too complicated to say that one dumped the other, it was more like a tit-for-tat kinda thing. He was the first to express doubts on whether or not he wanted to continue. Then we took turns playing the victim and the apologetic and when it was my turn to be apologetic I decided that it was enough. The light switch in my heart turned off and the one in my brain turned on. I don't want to apologize about anything, and this is not the type of relationship I want.

The first thing I did was call my mom to let her know. Then I texted my best friend because coincidentally just the day beforie I was expressing my fears and frustrations about us and whether we were going anywhere because as the good Muslim girl I try to be, I don't want a boyfriend-I want an actual future-husband. Then I felt I should inform my roommate who beared witness to some heated arguments, and also just in case he tries to get a hold of her. After that I did something that I never used to do before he came into my life. I turned my phone off for the rest of the day. I wasn't interested in the barrage of missed calls or text messages that ranged from desperately pleading with me to stating I was cold and insensitive.

How am I feeling right now? honestly, I feel more relieved than anything else. I mean sure I've had moments of sadness. There are some things that provoke memories of the good times and it makes me miss him. Sometimes that's associated with thoughts on the lines of wishing that the guy I end up settling down with will have possess some of those unique qualities and characteristics that attracted me to him in the first place...but those thoughts are short-fleeting. My overall feeling is definitely one of relief. It's as if I was being held down more than I felt comfortable and now I feel like I'm floating free.

Ladies it's good to be optimistic, but when it comes to getting to know someone on a serious level be careful not to become too optimistic, you know what I mean? I think this is a mistake and a lesson I've learned. He possessed a lot of great qualities, but I was focusing on the "great" a little bit too much. I made too many concessions, I made too many excuses, I walked on too many eggshells, I gave too many second chances, I overlooked too many differences, I kept my mouth shut on too many instances, and I gave him too much time.

This is the beginning of my summer break. I don't have to work or study. I have plenty of time for myself. I'm home now with my family and around my closest friends Thus far everyone who knows has been very supportive. So Alhamdulilah it actually couldn't have happened at a better time. This might be Allah's (swt) way of answering my duaa asking to please pull him away from me sooner than later if he's not "the one".

I can't say for sure 100% that at some point we won't end up pursuing things again. What I do know though is that I can't go back to the way things were before we parted ways. I also know that right now I'm feeling quite content.

Home Sweet Home Sweet Home!

2010-05-09T13:04:00.002-05:00

The semester is over and I'm now at home with my family after 5 months. It feels soooooooooooooooooooooooooo good :) I had a 22 credit semester and 9 finals plus practicals, so you can just imagine my life the past couple of months-I won't elaborate on the details of my torment.

I bought my ticket the evening before I flew home and I've been here for a couple of days now. I made my sister take me from the airport to find a place that served a popular local entree that I've been deprived of. We had to go to 3 different places to find it. My dad is super happy that I'm back at home. I always thought that me and my dad have a unique relationship that noone else in the house has. We understand each other on a different level than everyone else in the house and I think my dad was really relieved that I'm home now and we can resume our deep discussions on random subjects like the good old days. I spent the next couple of days bumming it with my best friend Angela, actually more like distracting her because she has finals now.

This post is supposed to be about how great it feels to be so free. It feels pretty weird going from having to schedule like every hour in the day and still feeling constantly behind, to not having anything that I have to be doing. My break is about a month and a half long and I know that I need to get on some kind of routine and be somewhat productive before I get too comfortable and have a hard time adjusting back to study mode when I need to.

So I'm making my list of things to get done and starting tomorrow I'm aiming to get back on some form structured routine. The main project on my list is to get back in shape and lose the 10-15 lbs I gained this year. I think that's pretty doable. So starting tomorrow I'm joining the gym. I'm not going to be doing no mickey mouse cardio 30 minute workouts, I'm hitting it hard core! I mean spinning class, kick boxing, power sculpt, etc. My goal is to keep that up a minimum of 5 days week.

The second project is to do a deep cleaning of my house. My mother has been overseas on business errands for some time now and the rest of the family just hasn't been able to keep it down. So every day after I get back from the gym I'll take on one room at a time for a deep cleaning.

My third project is to get some volunteer hours in! There's a new women's shelter that's in the works of opening up soon and I've been thinking about representing in the community as a proactive hijabi muslima and seeing what I can do to help out. Nothing crazy, ideally once or twice a week.

My fourth project is reading!!!! This includes both academic stuff and leisure reading. I had a tough time this past semester and I know that this coming year is supposed to be even more sucky. I approached some of my professors to see if there's anything i can do now while I have free time now that might pay off during the semester. I got some assigned readings and if all goes as planned will be designating a couple hours a day to get ahead. I'm also making my list of fun books to read! Suggestions appreciated.....

Yes and I will probably be blogging more regularly!

I love you my favorite khalti

2010-04-06T12:10:00.003-05:00

BUT sorry I'm not accepting your facebook friend request. Nor will I accept your friends requests either. Especially the one who asked me if I consider a marriage proposal from her brother who lives in the blad and speaks minimal English. Seriously why don't you just make my sitti an account while you're at it? It's too much work to block you from viewing certain statuses and from viewing certain albums just in case.

I liked facebook so much better when it was just a college social network.

Everything Good Happens After 30

2010-03-31T11:13:00.006-05:00

This is an excerpt from the book I'm currently reading: If you have to cry go outside and other things your mother never told you by Kelly Cutrone. I've just turned 26 but for some reason reading this put me in a good mood. I've had a lot of fun and experienced so much life, however my 20s is (and will be) characterized by lots and lots of hard work and instability. It gets old and I definitely don't want to be living like this forever. Most of my friends my age are "settled" by now, but I've chosen to take a different path in life that although has been a fun ride, the pressures and the uncertainties it comes with is just wearing me out.

I'd like to think that by the time I'm 30 I can start really reaping the benefits from the seeds I have worked to sow in my 20s.

According to Cutrone, here are ten other things to look forward to after you turn thirty:

1) Salary Increase. Hell Yea! Depending on what I choose to do I'd either just finished my residency or already have been working for a year.

2) After having gone through a plethora of designers for clothing, it's time to step it up a notch and charge headlong into the land of overpriced luxury accessories, where I hope you'll encounter some of the same landmarks I did: Globe-trotter, Asprey, Louboutin, Vuitton, Bulgari, Hermes, Roger Vivier. Knowing me I'll be very excited over this one. Some people love painting, some people love photography, some people love cooking, I love fashion!

3) A baby. If you want one. Once me and my future hubby's jobs are stable I will want one. I'll also want help. Ideally it would be a mother or mother-in-law but a nanny might have to do. I don't want to give up my career I'd prefer find the perfect balance between motherhood and being a productive achiever in my field.

4) The desire and the emotional wherewhithal to date three men at the same time without remorse. This one is obviously not for me. As a Muslima, I'm looking forward to being committed to ONE man.

5) Vacations outside the USA sans youth hostel. HELL YEA! I love traveling but I'm always looking for the budget ways to go such as looking into off-peak times and pricelining everything. I'm looking forward to being able to comfortably see parts of the world.

6) Self-control. This is the time when we ride the lion; the lion does not ride us. Like Durga, we sit on top of it and enjoy the ride. I just hope this one is true. If it is that would be an amazing thing especially where weight loss and spending habits are concerned. I can definitely say that the ability to exercise self-restraint and not giving into every whim and indulgence has improved as I've gotten older and more mature, and that's a very liberating feeling.

7) Property ownership, or maybe just your own apartment. I've had my own apartment, and the man in my life has been fortunate enough to experience property ownership in his mid-20s. I do have a very cute place, but I am looking forward to getting to remodel, furnish, and decorate my own place the adult-way and not the broke-student way. Definitely something to look forward to!

8) The ability to buy your own muscle car, if you want one. Not really
into cars that much, I'm happy with the one the Baba gave me. I'd trade this perk for vacations and designer clothing.

9) Decrease in overall paranoia and hysteria, which leads to... At this moment in life that sounds like the best thing to look forward to out of everything in this list LOL

10) Better sex. Definitely better sex. Yet to experience this one so this doesn't apply to me either.

Just keep Swimming Just Keep Swimming Just Keep Swimming

2010-03-24T17:39:00.005-05:00

I don't know how some people can do this. They keep going and going and going. You don't soee any apparent signs of the pressure taking its toll on them. You don't hear them complain or grunt. No matter what they're always in class, on time, in dress code. You don't see them downing coffee cup after coffee cup nor do you spot them nodding off in lectures. They're completely calm during their patient examination checkouts as the preceptor is assesing their every move. They just do it!

Me on the other hand. I'm totally spent. I turn to Nemo for valuable advice: Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming swimming. We swim, swim, swim. ...

on brain farts and such

2010-03-11T00:03:00.005-06:00

I'm having the biggest brain fart right now. I'm done! that's it neuroanatomy will not stick. It's really frustrating to realize how limited your human mental capacity actually is. The final is Friday and I have borderline grade. I pretty much have to pass the exam to pass the class, but my brain kind of decided to shut down. It's probably my protective survival instant that's kicked in...."hibernate" or "explode".

A person can only take so much before things start to crack. Quotes like "impossible is nothing" and "where there's a will there's a way"are such lies. Clearly those authors didn't go to med school.

I went from being a ball of walking panic to "I don't give 2 ishs" mode. I'M DONE!

I miss having a life.

My Birthday Goodies!

2010-03-06T10:44:00.006-06:00

When you get older you kind of stop expecting gifts on your birthday, the celebration is more in the gathering. So in that sense this particular birthday was a pleasant surprise :)

Included were books, chocolate-covered apples, and Saints gear....it couldn't have been more collectively thoughtful at the moment!

Hopefully the great start is indicative of the rest of the year. I just feel it in the air that 2010 is going to be a good one :)

Not the best looking, but the best tasting FATOUSH!

2010-02-28T10:25:00.003-06:00

I don't know why my fatoush isn't photogenic. Trust me, it was like amazing! Probably the best I had and this is coming from a salad-a-holic. I've been making this regularly like 3 times a week since I first made it a couple of weeks ago.

Thank you guys for your suggestions on my previous fatoush post. I cut up the typical vegetables (no onions for me though. Romein NOT iceberg lettuce) along with avocado cubes. In a separate bowl I mixed the following:

fresh lemon juice
salt
chopped garlic
chopped fresh mint
fresh thyme (za3tar)
olive oil

I mixed this dressing mixture with my veggies. Then I mixed in just a little bit of goat cheese. Then when ready to eat I topped it off with the Whole Foods pita chips. Not the kind in a bag with the rest of the chips, but the kind they sell in the plastic container in the bakery section.

DELISH!

I almost forgot it was my birthday.....

2010-02-23T10:28:00.004-06:00

I was too distracted having a panic attack (as I usually am the evening before a major exam) until my roomie came to my room at midnight to sing me Happy Birthday. So began the train of text message which always make me smile. I turned 26 today!

I only got 3 hours of sleep thanks to an 8 AM killer exam, but alhamdulilah it went well and I just have to make it through the rest of classes so that I can enjoy an evening dinner at a beachside restaurant with about 10 of my favorite people in this city. My intuition says I will be getting some things in the mail soon, we'll see. After that it's back to reality-the books that is!

Of course it would be much nicer if I was home now with my family and friends, or if my cutesy futesy could be here....but alhamdulilah for everything I have so much in life to be thankful for.

The practice of getting back up on your feet.......

2010-02-20T18:30:00.006-06:00

.....is much easier said than done.

I either despair and surrender a little bit too easily, or I simply have way too much on my plate for a single person to handle. One or the other just has to be true because this can't be normal everyday life stuff. Maybe it's a little bit of both.

Academic-wise this semester I've been doing "okay," not great and not too bad...until 3 weeks ago. 3 weeks I totally bombed an exam...and I mean did like really bad. It didn't feel good to perform so horribly. This isn't undergrad...it's doctor school and they fail people out. It's a race just to keep up sometimes.

So instead of moping around or having a panic attack I decided to do what any type A -minded person would do: Identify the problem and do something about it! The bad number was enough to motivate me to want to work extra hard and make 90-somethings on the next exams (I have exams every single week). So I pretty much studied my ass off for the next test. I spent ten hours on a saturday studying...10 whole hours! I'm talking minus the breaks too. I spent even more than that on Sunday studying and woke up before the crack of dawn on Monday to do a final review. At that point I had pretty much studied more for that exam than any other test this semester. I felt on top of the world and so ready to go out and conquer.

The outcome? it was HARD! but I was relieved when everyone else thought it was hard too. However, when the grades were posted I couldn't believe that despite all of that hard work I boasted about, my test grade was still below the class' average. I mean I didn't do bad on it I still got a B, but it was 3 percent points below the class' average and I'm pretty confident I studied more for that test than the average person in the class.

Again I decided that I won't freak out, I'll identify where I went wrong and I'll do something about it! The next exam we had was rumored to be the hardest exam we will have to take all semester and I was determined to prove myself. I joined a hard core study group for it and actually started preparing for it like 2 weeks before the exam. ALOT of hours went into preparing for that exam. I just took it this past Friday and no joke it was pretty brutal however I felt good about it. I identified the tricks, eliminated the distractors, knew all the formulas I needed to know, and beat it....or so I thought!

I spent the morning after smiling until the answer key was posted during lunchtime . My content was quickly replaced with panic as I was comparing my answer sheet to the posted key and putting a red X where I missed a question. My hands started shaking and I couldn't even bring myself to count how many I got wrong and calculate my grade. I handed it over to my friend to do who then announced to me my grade in a sympathetic tone. To say that I was devastated wouldn't be an overstatement.

I wouldn't be so upset right now if I didn't work so hard. My confidence in my abilities is questionable, my sense of self-control and discipline shaken, and the fear and anxiety has set in. I'm trying to be positive and remember to just put my faith in God, but I feel like I've been knocked off my horse too many times too close in proximity that I really just need a little bit of time to get back up. Unfortunately life doesn't always give you that option.

So in the meantime I've been faking being ok hoping that at some point while following the same routine the calmnesss will come back and settle in on its own...and it's actually starting to. Today I've been feeling better than yesterday and even had some spurts of energy and motivation here and there. I've taken it upon myself to do some major organizing of my notes and desk and it really helped declutter my mind. I know that if I do well on this week's test I'll feel awesome. There is a brightside. The worst is over and I still have a passing average in that class. Plus, the Saints did actually win the Super Bowl!

So I think I'm starting to climb back up on that horse again.

My Early Valentine!

2010-02-13T15:20:00.005-06:00

A dozen roses in a vase, a box of assorted chocolates, and a note saying "I wish I was there to give them to you in person" delivered to me...............How cliche, yet how so happy it made me!

Whatever your relationship status is, Happy Valentine's Day!

Post-Saints win: Project WHO DAT cookies!

2010-02-12T18:04:00.004-06:00

In honor of my team, the Saints, going to and winning their very first Super Bowl-I made from scratch 100 + almond cookies and brought them to hand out to my entire class. I iced the words "WHO DAT" in black and gold. If you know anything about me you'd know that this project was a major undertaking. The kitchen is not my favorite place and I have never in my life baked anything from scratch. Alhamdulilah they were actually freaking delicious. My friend the Persian Princess was convinced I bought them from the Italian bakery and just iced them myself. Sorry to disappoint but I definitely made them all on my own!

I wanted to put a smile on everyone's face just like I'll be smiling for a while. GEAUX SAINTS!

On the lookout for FATOUSH recipe suggestions!

2010-02-10T06:26:00.003-06:00

Ok people. I'm always craving fattoush and that is resulting in frequent trips to the nearest middle eastern restaurant about 15 minutes away. However, I realized I've been spending way too much money on eating out and I need to make my own fattoush!

Mind you I actually do make a pretty good fattoush, but it's not authentic fatoosh it's actually quite americanized. Basically what are the best herbs and spices to add to fatoush and in what form (dry? fresh?)? I google recipes and I get frustrated with the variation...I just want someone to tell me what's BEST to use!

Also how do you make lemon work when adding to salads? Everytime I add lemon juice (even if freshly squeezed) it just taste like......like I'm eating lemons! I can't get it to mesh and blend well with salad. Do you have to do something to it first and not just add it straight on to the salad like you would with dressing?

Inspire me! Maybe I can have a bowl ready this evening to share with my study group.

someone pinch me I think THE SAINTS WON!

2010-02-08T21:53:00.008-06:00

One of the happiest moments of our lives. The most watched event in TV history ever.

Although the whole world, every celebrity, apparently the Vatican, and all their mamas was rooting for Saints to win it, people didn't really think they actually could. "I'm happy for New Orleans but let's be real for a second. We all know they're not going to win. Manning is a machine!" I heard on my morning radio program just a couple of days before the big game.
They started off rough 0-10 colts before the Saints scored their first points. They finished off Manning and his teammates 31-17. WHO DAT SAYIN DEY GONNA BEAT DEM SAINTS!

I will remain in a state of highly exaggerated euphoria for a longgggg time. I'm on top of the world!

Bringing New Orleans to Miami: WHO DAT!

2010-02-07T10:40:00.005-06:00

I love my team. I'm so proud of them. This is our very first Super Bowl and I got to be part of history as Miami was transformed into New Orleans for the weekend.

The magnitude of what the New Orleans Saints Victory over the Minnesota Vikings to become the NFC champions and make it to the Super Bowl is something that non-Saints fans may not understand. This is more than just a game. It's a symbol of resilience, recovery, and revival. The victories of this team brought inspiration and joy to a beat down city. It created an attitude of "if they can do it, so can we!"

I just feel sorry for the Indianapolis Colts and their fans right now that they have to be our contendors. Saints fans from all over poured into Miami outnumbering the Colts fans 10-to-1 easily....a South Beach business owner was quoted as saying it seems more like 100-to-1. No other NFL team has a culture like that of the Who Dat Nation (collective term for Saints fans). This is being called the least-neutral Super Bowl in history. Not even President Obama, Katie Couric, or Carrie Underwood who will be singing the nathional anthem at the game could hide their partialism for the New Orleans Saints to win the Super Bowl tonight!

I SAY WHO DAT SAYIN DEY GONNA BEAT DEM SAINTS? WHO DAT! WHO DAT!

The New Marriage Rule: Age Matters

2010-01-30T11:00:00.004-06:00

I recently read this article in the new Cosmo that claims that when it comes to being in a successful marriage the age you (the girl) got married matters. They set the magic number at 25; however I didn't quite understand if they were suggesting that magic number to be the minimum age or the prime age.

So why 25?

Turns out, the more years of higher education a woman has under her belt on her wedding day, the lower the chances that she’ll get divorced…and by 25, you’re more likely to have earned a degree or two. “Educated women tend to be more confident about who they are and less willing to settle for a man who doesn’t meet their standards,” explains Terri Orbuch, PhD, author of Five Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great.

I can relate to that statement. Not that I define myself by my academic achievements, but it's definitely a contributor to my self-confidence.

Odds are that by 25 you’re also supporting yourself, so there’s less incentive for you to rush into marriage because you’re seeking financial security from him.

Makes sense! At this point in life I'm not financially independent, but I know that in the future I will have the means to be. I would never rush into a marriage for financial security....maybe other types of security would cause me to be rash and jump into something, but it definitely wouldn't be financial security!

One of my friends who got married young was pretty blunt about the fact that financial security was a big part in her decision.

At 25, you’ve had time for some crucial life experiences, including a relationship or two that may have improved your Mr. Right radar.

Now that I can definitely attest to! My priorities and "make-it-or-break-it"s are definitely different than what they were when I was 18 fresh out of high school, and when I was 22 fresh out of college, and even when I was 23 fresh out of my masters program. This is mainly due to experiences that I've had with guys who I thought could really be "the one".

Agree? Disagree? either way the article is an interesting, easy read.

The New Marriage Rule: Age Matters

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Guess whose going to Miami?????

2010-01-26T20:27:00.004-06:00

It's black and gold to the Super Bowl baby! Both the Saints and the Vikings played equally sucky driving the game into a very tense over time. It was all in Hartley's hands as he has to make a field goal from 43 yards away.

I cried and cried and cried and I was so happy. We will remember this moment for the rest of our lives:

So now it's time to party in the MIA

Bring 'Em To The Dome!!!

2010-01-24T17:02:00.002-06:00

Forty minutes till game time and we are ready!!!!

"It's our house It's our house It's our house!"

No matter what ends up happening tonight I'm so proud of my Saints!

A little bit of what I've been up to lately

2010-01-23T09:47:00.004-06:00

So everytime I want to resume blogging I decide there's too much going on and don't know where to start. Then I get overwhelmed with deciding what topic to blog about and decide "efff this". So I decide to do some micro-blogging for those that still take interest in this blog.

1) This semester is raping me. 23 credits, 11 classes. Literally speaking school is my life 90% of the time. I take comfort in telling myself that one day it'll all be worth it and that I'm taking my expanding ass to Costa Rica for Spring Break.

2) I paid what felt like a million dollars to attend a Saints game-my first and only of this season. I decided it was worth it considering the amazing season they've had and that was something I wanted to be part of. They lost that day to like the worst team ever. The best team in the NFC loses to the worst team in the NFC and coincidentally this has to happen on the one game I could attend. The arab in me wanted to rip the chair off the ground it was attached to and toss it down below.

3) Randy came to visit. Ever since her divorce to butt-face she's definitely been making some serious changes in herself. She's not so much that materialistic diva I grew up with. Regardless of that we spent her time here going to some of the most exclusive spas and eating out at some famous restaurants.

4) I'm renting a really nice condo, in a really nice building, in a trendy hip part of town. We just got served papers that our place is going into foreclosure. I don't understand what these landlords are doing with our rent money if they're not paying their mortgages!

5) MTV's The Jersey Shore has been one of my favorite guilty pleasures. A couple weeks ago I was out with a friend and I had to go to the bathroom really bad. I couldn't hold it anymore so I ran to the closest restaurant and guess who I sighted there? Snookie!

6) Socially speaking things have been weird. I've been losing ties to some of my closest colleagues. This is mostly due to the fact that clubbing and drinking is not something I do and that they have found shopping, eating out, hookah cafes, and the movies to become less exciting. I also feel pretty disconnected with the arab/muslim crowd of my class. For the most part it's a group of fake, insecure people who try too hard to fit in. Actually my new class is largely like that. It's like go back to high school people!

7) Things in the love department however have been going great. Allahu a3lam though. I try not to over-analyze, obsess over everything, and have all kinds of demands and expectations like I used to. We've successfully worked through some rough patches and were able to come out of them with greater admiration, respect, and understanding for the other. Whatever is meant to happen will happen and for right now I'm very content with the way things are.

8) One of my greatest fears in life came true. A person that is very dear to me admitted to me recently that around a year ago she had discovered my blog (the old one actually). She was able to easily figure out it was me and to also easily figure out where I was talking about her. She was hurt about some of what I said and thought I was a "complete bitch". She made the decision to not tell me about it then.

ZEITOUN: You have to read this book!

2010-01-04T14:56:00.005-06:00

Zeitoun by Dave Eggers is the true story of a Muslim family's experience during and after Hurricane Katrina. It's the story of a tragedy that unfolded out of a different kind of tragedy. It's a tale of of family, faith, the unconditional human bond as well as a story of catastrophic incompetence, xenophobia, and injustice that will leave a mark on you if not make you cry.

The book starts out slow and sweet with an autobiographical tone recalling the upgringing of Abdulrahman in a Syrian coastal town and Kathy's independent conversion into Islam. However once the action picks up the story sucks you in with suspense. The story took a turn that I definitely wasn't expecting when I knew I was reading a book about the effects of the great storm. I actually read the second half in one sitting and when it finished I wanted more!

Kudos to Dave Eggers for taking interest in the story of Abdulrahman and Kathy Zeitoun!

Well HELLOOOOO Blogosphere!

2009-12-19T16:57:00.003-06:00

I've successfully completed a semester of my pre-professional health program (for lack of better words yall)! I mean not only did I not fail anything, but I had some damn good grades. I took a total of 8 finals and as soon as I finished my last one and knew I did great it may have been one of the most happiest moments of my life. Is that like sad or what? It didn't even bother me so much that after my last final by car refused to start and my phone stopped working. I just kept thinking how wonderful life is!

So now I'm home on my 3 week break and I don't think I've ever been so free in my adult life. I've never had like absolutely nothing that I needed to do. Even during school breaks I was always studying for some kind of makeup exam, working on a paper I got an extension for, or doing some kind of volunteer work I pre-committed to. I made a list of mini-goals to accomplish during my break, but so far I've just been bumming it and spending a lot of time at Starbucks withe Angela, on Suzy's couch, or eating out with Randy. I almost feel guilty being so free....almost :)

Hope you have a good break!

Controversial author Norma Khouri comments on my blog post about her

2009-12-04T16:57:00.004-06:00

It was humbling to have author Fadi Faqir visit my old blog and send me her book. It was very exciting to have artist Ena Vie comment on my blog post praising her, and now Norma Khouri replied to my post Investigating Norma Khouri in Forbidden Lie$.

Is it really her? I guess there's no way to be totally sure. If it is, I thank you Norma Khouri for taking the time out of your schedule to address my post and some of the following comments.

Unfortunately I'm in the middle of an intense finals time so I just don't have the time to appropriately reply. I just really wanted to give any of you interested readers out there the opportunity to reply to her comment that I'm copying and pasting below. Maybe we can have have a constructive discussion over it.

norma(jdoit@lycos.com) said...
Hello, I am Norma Khouri. You can believe whatever you like about what my intentions were or are...my intentions from the start were to raise international awareness of the existence of these crimes and the Jordanian Laws which allow for them to continue. Rana Husseini was one of the first reporters to write about Honor Killings....the problem was that she was publishing the stories in the Jordanian Times...a small local circulation english language paper in Jordan...which was not even available on the internet...and still does not archive any of its articles on the net to this day. Now for someone who lives in Europe or the US or any other country other than Jordan...how were they going to become aware of such crimes??? no other media was reporting on it...womens rights issues have never been a media priority unless there were political reasons to report on them as in the case of Afghanistan.

As to KJ...the original US version of the book is actually stamped "fiction"...the book created problems for Jordan...too much attention was being focused on them as a result of the book...that is clearly evidenced in the articles that Jordan published where government officials are quoted as saying that they are receiving too much pressure from the UN and the US "as though this is the only place this happens". Amnesty conducted its own investigation into the number of honor killings that occur there...you should check that report out, so did the UN.

The media and the documentary make a lot of outrageous claims...controversy sells...they also claim I am wanted by the FBI...call the FBI yourself and ask if I am wanted?? I am not. i live and work and pay taxes in the US, I am not in hiding. The money from the book and from the documentary is going to human rights groups...it does not even come through me to go to them...it goes directly to them from publishers and film company...Maybe I should have done it for money...I wouldn't be working 70 hours a week to pay a mortgage and bills... Norma

Reviews of my recent makeup discoveries!

2009-12-02T22:22:00.003-06:00

I love discovering new makeup products and I'm always interested in knowing what's working for others. So I've decided to return the favor and generously share my most recent findings!

In terms of color this bronzer/blush is my favorite, it's so beautiful and totally beats that way too popular Orgasm by Nars which goes on more pink than bronze. My only beef with blush is the fact that it's not long lasting; hours later you can't even tell I put it on.
I told the make up artist at Sephora that I'm bored with my own neutral glosses and lipsticks and I'm looking for something that pops out a little bit more. So we landed on Red Delicious made by Bare Essentials (only $12!). It's more of a dull red than a bright red-just red enough to be elegant without looking too 80s.

I would especially consider investing in this quad set of Stila smudge pot if you're already using paints pots of any sort (like the popular MAC pots). The hardest part about paint pots is just getting used to applying them, once you've got that down I highly recommend you go get one of these. All 4 colors are pretty useful, the quality and consistency is great, and the best part about it is it was only $32! (one pot alone is like $20). I use these as primer, base, shadow, and liner!

If you've never tried wearing colored eye liner, try now! There's a crazy color out there made perfectly for you..trust me on that. This is especially ideal if you don't like wearing a lot of makeup because just a line of color on your lids can make a world of a difference in your complexion. I started off with blues but I just discovered this Tealo by Mac and I'm sooooo obsessed! I either wear it alone as a liner or if I have time I'll highlight it with a shade of lighter green eyeshadow. I've gotten compliments every time.

Continuing on with the discussion of colored liners I've recently picked up this purple (retrolady) liquid liner from Mac after reading an article stating that olive-skinned girls go well with purple eyes. Alone I'm not too crazy about it, I think I just haven't found the best way to apply it. The last time I wore it I put it on my upper lids and used the tealo liner above on my lower lids and it actually looked pretty cool. The best thing about this is once it's dry it doesn't smear AT ALL!

I hope you discovered something for yourself out of my makeup mini review post. If you have any new makeup discoveries of your own, please do share!

Surviving doctor school: Just say no to the party!

2009-11-25T07:14:00.004-06:00

Unless you're in professional school (medical/dental/optometry/pharm/law..etc) you're just not going to understand why I have to say no to everything and seclude myself from people and activity. It's not just about this one dinner, going to that one restaurant, watching that one movie, spending this one weekend home...."what's the the big deal asoom?"...........people just don't fucking understand!!!!!

Succeeding in these types of programs is very much an emotional process as much as it is mental and physical. Many times I really can't be around people (especially certain types). I can't just hang out and be adventurous and spontaneous like I used to. I can't put myself in situations where I might get pissed off at someone, annoyed at something, too excited, too tired....etc. It's cool to give myself a break but I have exams on a weekly basis and I have to stay focused. My mind can't wander too far away.

I'm always on the border grade-wise and I've had to learn the hard way that a really fun weekend could also result in going from a barely passing to to a failing average in a class. There's a reason why it's so hard to get into such programs; it's simply not cut out for the vast majority of people. In the battle to just keep up you could turn into a crazy psycho person who no longer eats and sleeps. Yes.....it's really that bad!

It sucks when you're around people that just don't understand it and get annoyed at you or think of you as not a very good friend when you just have to say no to the party, even when they claim they totally understand. People just don't get it and I'm so sick I've having to deal with that added pressure of appeasing everyone. It's just not fair!

Thanksgiving Dinner at my place? Hell No!

2009-11-25T06:46:00.003-06:00

I'm not going home for Thanksgiving or Eid. It's too close to finals and I have to keep things low key to stay focused and ensure that I'll be here next semester. It's sacrifice that I have to make and that's just life.

A young couple that we've befriended on our floor invited me and Masriyya to their Thanksgiving dinner. I figured that would be perfect because I could just show up, eat, chat for a bit, then leave. Masriyya understands how much pressure I'm under so she'll take care of contributing some dish for the both of us and I can even dress up for the affair! It sounds perfect because I'll be satisfied in getting to partake in Thanksgiving but not to the point where I'll be distracted.

Yesterday we were informed that Thanksgiving at our neighbors will be cancelled because the man of the house got called to travel for work and the lady of the house can't handle it all by herself. So we were a teeny bit bummed to the point where I forgot about my other committments and started brainstorming alternatives. So I came up with this idea that seemed genious at the moment. One of our favorite Italian bakeries had fliers up advertising their Thanksgiving catering specials. They'll cater a dinner for 8 Thanksgiving Day at a relatively reasonable price and their food is amazing! So why don't we ask our neighbor if she'll split it with us and just have it at our place so that we can invite a couple of our friends too who also can't go home for Thanksgiving. No wasting time cooking or shopping, what a genious idea, we have to do it!

So after I went back to my room my senses slowly started coming back to me which soon turned into a full-blown panic. All those people, the inviting, the cleaning before, the cleaning after, how long will they stay after? how much will I end up spending? what the hell was I thinking???? There is no way we're hosting Thanksgiving dinner at MY place 4 days before my finals start.

So I run back out of my room to tell Masriyya and see that she was coming to my room to tell me something...."you know I'm sooooo happy that you came up with this idea! 3anjad I was getting so depressed about not having a real Thanksgiving this year. You're idea is perfect and I'm soo excited now, I can't tell you how much better I feel!"

GREAT!!!!

Am I just in love with love?

2009-11-15T07:43:00.006-06:00

Yesterday I went to a comedy show where the opening comedian stated "if you're in a relationship and you're not married or engaged but you're fighting about the small things, end it now!". He went on with with the examples and ha ha ha ha we all laughed, they were pretty funny.

It's funny that I'm now taking relationship advice from a comedian but I started wondering if God had specifically meant for me to receive that message at that moment in time no matter what form it came in. I've been stressed, frustrated, confused and really torn. My mood is up and down.

I've actually been doing a great job of keeping my life under control which is a big improvement in comparison to my past antics when dealing with relationship problems. I've done pretty well on the 1 billion exams I took (well with 1 exception). I've been consistent with the strength training and toning class I've taken up at the gym. I'm keeping my place clean and organized. I'm still making time for friends and going out. I regularly speak to my family. I still take pleasure in life's small things like experimenting with makeup and going shoe shopping.

However if my relationship doesn't improve I don't know how long I'll be able to keep this all up and the cracks are starting to show. When things are good we're happy and there are definitely happy days. When they're not (like right now) it takes its toll. I have trouble sleeping. Focusing is a struggle. Sometimes I tune people out and stare off into space without even realizing it. I've been eating more junk food, and have even been missing some of my prayers. I haven't woken up for fajr in a few days now.

I simply don't know what to do now. What I did know though is last night I wanted a night away from everything. I just wanted a night to have fun with my friends and completely put aside the stress and the drama. I wanted to some freedom just for one night. So here I am anticipating the fun and within the first 5 minutes of the show my issues get propped up in my face: "if.....end it now!"

I still managed to push it back in my mind and have loads of fun last night but around 3 AM when we found ourselves drained of energy and done with all our laughing I decided it was now appropriate to share the irony of what the comedian said and see what my girls thought. "If it's only been like a month and a half and we've had a couple of big fights over small things...." before I could even finish their responses erupted. They all strongly felt that this wasn't a good sign at all. "This is supposed to be the honeymoon phase" one friend added.

Maybe they're just biased because I only share with them things when there's a problem because it's those times when I need to talk. I haven't told them all the sweet amazing things he's done. I haven't told them all the times when he's made me over-the-moon happy. I haven't told them about the times when he says to me exactly the things I need to hear or showers me with endless compliments. I haven't told them about the plans he made and the efforts put in to show me that he's serious about commitment and not wasting my time. I keep these things to myself because it just feels weird to share those details unless specifically asked to do so; I would feel like I'm showing off or being plain tacky.

Maybe now I'm sounding like one of those stupid girls you see on Dr.Phil who constantly makes excuses for her guy's bad behavior and justifies a bad relationship because she just doesn't want to be alone. I always tell girls to not be in love with love and see beyond the desire to just have a guy and rather desire to be in a relationship that's good for you, one that brings you up and not pulls you down. Do I need to listen to my own advice? I'm so confused.

What I do know though is this: my finals are starting in 2 weeks. Life has been treating me pretty well right now. Alhamdulilah I'm in a point in life where I have a lot going for me, and I'm not going to let any guy fuck that up!

Will boys be boys? or is that a bad excuse?

2009-11-07T22:05:00.009-06:00

I don't get offended by cuss words. I say ass all the time and will even drop the F-bomb here and there. This is all thanks to grad school really; the list of acquired dirty habits is ever growing and cussing is one of them.

However, there's something about the very casual use of sexually explicit language in the form of metaphors and euphamisms (or maybe it's meant literal, I can't tell) that still makes me uncomfortable. It usually comes from guys. My good Muslim boys colleagues who observe Ramadan, attend every campus jum3a prayer, proudly say "salaam alaikum" instead of hey, and can occasionally be caught preaching of their great faith are NO exception to this trend.

I know guys are guys and I've become somewhat desensitized to critiquing the hottness level of a girl (yup they even do it in front of me). But when I hear a conversation describing a D word, or getting some P word, or a reference to sexual acts my jaw just can't help dropping a little bit. Especially when it's coming out of the same mouth that I heard beautifully reciting the athan a couple weeks ago.

It really bothers me and a string of obsessive and perhaps irrational thoughts will run through my head. Is he merely fitting in with the common culture? Could he actually be 'experienced' like that? How much of a hypocrite is he? I can't believe I thought about setting him up with my friend! Then I start thinking about other 'respectable' boys and if they talk like that too in their normal social elements. I wonder about the guy I'm talking to now and if he has conversations like that when he's around the guys.

It's all really non of my business and I would sleep a little bit better if I just didn't hear these things in the first place. So I take comfort in telling myself that it's ok because boys will just be boys.......but perhaps we're using that phrase too much to excuse behavior that shouldn't be totally ok. Agree?

And maybe it's time for me to call it a night!

If youre life is full of drama...maybe it's YOU

2009-11-06T07:57:00.010-06:00

My roomate Masriyya is also my friend but since we became roomies I'm thinking more of her as the big sister I never had. She is lovely, does anything for me, but is............A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G!!!! Yes, all caps with spaces in between.

When I first got to know her I used to feel bad for her that her life was so full of drama and everything bad seemed to happen to her. After living with her I realized that actually it's her. I just wish that I knew that from the very beginning so I wouldn't have wasted any of my time, emotions, and brain energy involving myself in her issues thinking that I'm being there for a friend.

Take this past incident for example. One of my friends from school invited me to go home with her Halloween weekend to attend a Halloween annual event with her homegirls that happens at one of her local amusement parks. I've been buried in the books so I was really looking forward to this. I extended the invitation to my roomate to come with me to MY FRIEND'S family home- so you'd think she'd be at her best behavior, right?

NOPE!!! this chick manages to turn every situation into being about her and that night, which was supposed to be a fun and relaxing girls night out, was no exception to that.

The first stop after the 4 hour drive was have dinner at my friends house. We were already running like an hour late leaving my friend's house to go pick up her friend, and on top of that she makes us wait for her. We sat in the car waiting for her as she put make up on and straightened her hair. I had to go back inside twice to beg her to please come now we're really late. I was so embarassed!!!!

So halfway on our way to pick up my friend's friend Masriyya announces "OH MY GOD I forgot my ID........see what happens when you guys rush me!" AHHHHHHHHHHHH, I thought about all the different ways I could murder her as my friend made a U-turn back to her house.

Fastforward an hour we get to the amusement park and we only have a couple of hours to enjoy it before closing time. It's super crowded and the lines are huge so we know we're only going to enjoy a couple of haunted houses/rides. She immediately starts with "I can'to do this I can't do this I can't do this I'm too scared I'm too scared I can't do this I'm too scared." That's all we heard while in line.

We're all scared and freaked out, that's part of the fun of it. She was trying to turn it into a "let's all stop what we're doing and counsel masriyya" session. When entered the haunted house she kept her eyes shut and wouldn't stop screaming bloody murder and held on to all 3 of us in a way that was causing us great pain and discomfort. Then she made a string of complaints regarding her current state of health. "OH MY GOD I THINK BROKE MY NECK....MY NECK...MY NECK...IT'S SO HOT I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE I'M GOING TO DIE...MY NECK...MY ANKLE...MY ANKLE....MY NECK."

My friends caught on to her fast and just started ignoring her which put me in a really uncomfortable situation. When we got in line for the next haunted house she claimed she couldn't do it because she has asthma and can't take that fake smoke they have as part of the display. I don't even believe she has asthma, I think she just thinks she does. My friend who had no issue with the fake smoke has really bas asthma she can't even be around second hand smoke, wherease Masriyya smokes shisha with me all the time. The list of ailments kept expanding.

At some point she got scared when a zombie jumped in her face. She ran off screaming bloody murder. We lost her and it was kind of nice. When she finally found us she got mad at us that we didn't run after her and let her get lost. Then she retold the story like 10 times of how badly the zombie or tree man or whatever he was scared her when he jumped in her face.

Simply put, she really took the joy out of it and embarassed me in front of my friends. I also realized that I'm fricking slow like hell. After months of knowing her it took me that night to affirm my suspicions that she was a drama queen and an attention whore when my friends figured it out in like 35 minutes.

Blogging has gotten frustrating

2009-11-03T20:26:00.004-06:00

I'm seriously thinking about starting a new blog. A blog where I'll be super anonymous (as long as I can help it) with a totally creatively made-up identity. I want to be able to blog about my drama queen roommate and my friends with the asshole husbands and their annoying kids. I want to blog about my classroom challenges and all of the interesting social dynamics around me. I want to blog about my spiritual side and about all the times when I'm weak. I want to blog about my disfunctional family, how I feel about my ex, and any possible new potentials. I want to blog about my insecurities and my proud my moments.

Everything is just too risky. I'm not really that anonymous. A lot of my people I know read blogs and have even started blogs themselves. The new man in my life (nothing official it's all confusing and that's another thing I really want to blog about) has a sister who blogs, and she's a rather prominent blogger too. It's just too plain risky and that's why I've concluded that blogging has gotten frustrating!

The only thing I feel comfortable blogging about that I actually want to blog about is football. Speaking of which, how about them Saints yall?

So why can't we talk about our exes?

2009-10-26T22:25:00.004-05:00

Why is it so taboo to bring up your ex or even mention previous relationships in the presence of your current person of interest? A lot of times you can't help but recall things. In many ways you're following a similar pattern that you followed before...doing things and saying things that you've done before so you reminisce. Just because you share these observations out loud sometimes it doesn't mean that you're not over the one you used to be with. Don't they realize that this time it's a better experience and that's why you're with that person and not with your ex?

I mean I understand where the problem would be if you excessivly talk about your past relationship because that would mean your ex is always on your mind. However the casual mention could be taken as a compliment as if to say "this is why you're so much better for me!"

Why does the mention of previous relationships make people so insecure?

For the first time in NFL history.....

2009-10-26T11:45:00.002-05:00

THREE teams remain undefeated after the week 7 games. The Indianapolis Colts, The Denver Broncos, and my own team the New Orleans Saints!!!!!

Notice that the Chicago Bears are not part of this elite trio (ahem ahem Maher)!

Some Sunday football trash talk yall

2009-10-18T16:03:00.007-05:00

Two undefeated teams, The New York Giants and my team the New Orleans Saints, went into the dome for the week 6 NFL game of the season. Only one could come of it still undefeated. NO, it wasn't the team that took the Super Bowl victory two years ago. It was the absolutely amazing SAINTS who have never even been to the Super Bowl. They beat NY by some really embarassing number that I'll spare you from. Let's just say the Saints tied a record number of touchdowns. I was embarassed for the opposition just watching this game.

The Saints are UNDEFEATED 5-0, do you have anything you'd like to say Maher?

Mr.Brooklyn is my die-hard Jets fan classmate who thought'd it'd be nice to send me a congratulatory sms after the game only to proceed to do some trash-talking.

Brooklyn: Asoom taking out BOTH new york teams! lol mabrook

Asoom: lol. U New Yorkers can't take a little bit of heat?

Brooklyn: (NY) Giants are a disgrace (NY) Jets only allowed you guys one td. Giants allowed you guys twenty.

Asoom: We tied a record today with those touchdowns. Brees wasn't playing too well in the (NY) Jets game and we still managed to win. Don't hate we totally earned that win.

Brooklyn: Brees wasn't playing cuz our defense was up his ass. Don't hate you guys won that game cuz of our rookie qb mistakes.

Asoom: Saints won because our defense kicked ass all around

Brooklyn: Easy now don't get too ahead of yourselves

An hour later......

Brooklyn: Brady threw 5 td passes in first half lol Brees record will be broken

Asoom: Dude you're playing a 1-4 team!

Brooklyn: Not my fault. Don't hate.

This book made me feel a bit better about life!

2009-10-18T09:27:00.007-05:00

The last book I finished reading was Something Borrowed by Emmily Giffin . I loved this book, it was the ultimate classic feel good chick lit. It made me smile and had me feeling all warm and fuzzy.

Yes I realize it's a story about infedility and affairs but don't judge it, give it a chance! If you're a girl that reads chances are you'll probably see something about yourself in Rachel, the main character. She's 30, simple, still single, a lawyer and has a best friend (Darcy) who isn't as intelligent and well-intentioned as her but still seems to outshine her in almost everything....only on the surface though!

Obama's wins the Nobel Peace Prize

2009-10-09T09:16:00.003-05:00

We live in a day where being "not-Bush" and being talented in articulation wins you the Nobel Peace Prize. Leaders of superpowers should be held at a higher standard than that, that's my 2 cents!

I still like the guy and would totally invite him over for dinner anyday, but I would not have given it to him.

Maher the kid is now engaged!

2009-10-09T09:01:00.002-05:00

Alf Alf Mabrook to Maher who is getting officially engaged today! Ba3dain shoo..........you decided to announce it as some kind of casual statement on a post about football?

I wish the two of you love and happiness forever and lots of years watching Super Bowls together. Let's just hope for her sake that she's not a Saints fan ;)

This one is for Maher: a football post

2009-10-04T21:59:00.007-05:00

The wonderful Maher, an ex-blogger, has a pattern of stopping by this blog once in a blue moon. That blue moon usually occurs during football season sometime around Monday. He'll usually ignore the nature of the latest post and leave a comment regarding his take on yesterday's round of games and his prediction for the next :)

Maher is a very nice kid, but one thing really bothers me is that he doesn't have very much faith in the ability of my team: The New Orleans Saints! I do realize we don't have the most impressive history. I mean we've never been to a Super Bowl and God Almighty knows we've had some shameful seasons-but that's all history. We're actually a pretty good team!

Maher was surprised when last week the Saints made a minced meat pie out of the Philadelphia Eagles who've had their share of championships. That placed the Saints at 3 wins and ZERO losses. Then he went on to say that he believes the New York Jets, who also have an impressive record like the Eagles, will be the Saints first loss. I didn't respond and just pretended to not be offended. One of my colleagues is a tough kid from Brooklyn who is a die-hard Jets fan; he even admitted to me that he was nervous about the game because the Saints were "pretty good". Both teams went in to the game today thus far undefeated.

People said the Eagles would beat us, the Bills would beat us, the Jets would beat us. People say the Saints are all about Drew Brees, we're all about offense. Well today definitely wasn't Drew Brees' greatest day, nor was it Reggie Bush's. We just proved that we have some pretty monster players with not very famous names and a pretty kickass defense.

Well Maher, the New Orleans Saints just gave the New York Jets their first loss of the season by beating them 24-10! You were mistaken my dear friend. I wonder, do you still believe the Jets are going to the superbowl this year?

My take on the Hijabi Monologues

2009-10-03T22:00:00.008-05:00

I saw the show recently. It was AMAZING!

The widely acclaimed show is the Muslim version spinoff of the popular Vagina Monologues. Going to it I was a bit skeptical and was expecting it to be perhaps corny and cheesy and not very intellectual, but nevertheless I still thought I’d enjoy some light-hearted humor. My preconceived notions wasn’t because I don’t think anything is intellectual about being a hijabi in America, but just because I thought it was probably going to be so PC and censored since us hijabis have to represent all the damn time and all. ESPECIALLY since it’s real actresses performing real stories and not an anonymous author operating under a pseudoname. MAN was I was completely mistaken. For starters, this show is barely PG-13 rated.

The very first skit was about how us hijabis in America are always expected to be the walking public representation of Islam. In it, a girl is confronted by a man using violent language towards her and she wishes to reply in a similar fashion. I’m a hijabi by choice, but I did not choose to wear hijab because I wanted to represent Islam. That is a responsibility that’s way beyond me to handle. I make mistakes and I’m far from perfect. The mistakes I make should be a representation of me, and not my beliefs. When I see those thoughts and feelings of mine that frankly most people who don’t wear hijab just don’t understand come to life in that skit, I was moved to tears. It was such a huge relief to know that others feel the same way and it doesn’t make me a bad Muslim.

I loved the whole show: the FSU vs. UM college football game experience, the tale of aysha and ameer (which may have been a bit removed from reality), that what types of guys hit on girls in hijab skit, and especially the story of the post 9/11 arrest of Dr.sami al arian as told through the eyes of his daughter-another great tear jerker. However it was that very first skit I talked about in the previous paragraph that inspired something in me. Especially when during the show my non-hijabi glam friend sitting behind me texted me that she hates it and thought it was "humiliating" and a bad representation of Islam.

With that said I have something to say to all of those Muslim men, to the non-hijabis, and to those self-righteous hijabis who love to judge other hijabis. If I hear any comments about how non-hijabi like someone’s dress code is, how scandalous your holy brain believes it is it is that you saw a hijabi sitting with a table full of White guys in a restaurant, how shameful your genious mind thought it is that you saw a hijabi smoking hookah and singing along to an Arabic song, how outrageous it is that you heard a hijabi tell someone to 'kiss my ass', and how your highness thinks some hijabi is giving Islam a bad name because of A, B, and C and whatever else your momma taught I just want to say…………….FUCK YOU and FUCK YOU!

Do I have a sign on my back that says "JUDGE ME PLEASE" or one that says "IDENTIFY ALL MY IMPERFECTIONS"? Get a life and leave mine alone please. Go mind your own business before you mind mine. People like you create a society that makes my life harder than it needs to be. Sorry to break it to you, but I actually don’t answer to you or your momma, I answer to Allah (swt). You may not realize it but there is a lot of harm in your judgements. You see when I start to have to worry about what people like you are going to say, I lose sight of the bigger picture and my purpose of being here on Earth. My intentions start turning into "SHIT what's UmAli going to think?" instead of "Allah (swt) forbade me to do this". Maybe your own actions are motivated by what UmAli's flavor of the month is, but I don't care...or at least I try not to care.

Do you get my point? Now please, go worry about your own self before you "worry" about me.

"Where the Kardashians go clubbing"

2009-10-03T14:07:00.004-05:00

I don't go to bars, and I don't go clubbing. First, why would I pust myself in a situation where I would feel so out of place? Just so I can say I've been there? Staghfurallah yall! Second, I don't drink so I don't have fun around a whole bunch of people who are drinking...nor would they think it's fun to be around me.

What's interesting that in my college town a few of the people that I've chose to surround myself with, those that I can feel most comfortable being myself around, those that I feel are just plain genuine and real, those that can make me laugh the loudest...just so happen to live a different lifestyle than I do. As a result of that sometimes I find myself on the receiving end of some friendly teasing.

Yesterday I was hanging out with some of my old class friends (I don't like my new class..there I said it!) like the good old days. One of the guys announced he was going to this club in the city tmorrow and extended the invite. The name couldn't make a difference to me but it generated some excited "oooohhss" from the girls. They were definitely interested in going. So the party pooper that I am I attempted to guilt trip them out of it.

"Hey I thought you said no more party stuff and that you were going to get really serious about school now."

"well yea but ummmm...." friend #1 replied.

"Ok but this is like......where the Kardashians go clubbing!" chimed in Persian Princess.

"Ok fine then....while you guys are out clubbing in the city just think about me. Keep me in mind while you guys are having your fun." I said with a pout.

"Hey hey there...." replied Persian princes

"What do you wanna do then huh? you wanna go to the movies? you wanna go watch a movie then? Let's all go watch a movie" Said the club-invite guy in a mocking nerd-like tone of voice.

"yea what...you wanna go watch Ya Ya Sisterhood or something? Let's all go watch the Ya Ya Sisterhood?" added HotJordanianGuy

"I belive that's out on DVD" said club-invite guy back in his nerdy mocking voice

The movies? hah! as funny as they were.....I should have told them I can do more for fun than just watch movies, I read books sometimes too!

on being extremely homesick

2009-10-01T23:03:00.005-05:00

I just got off an almost 2 hour long phone conversation with one of my friends/classmates who is extremely homesick; I mean extremely homesick like to the point where I'm so genuinely worried about her well-being. It's kind of funny because I've had this very same conversation like twice today with 2 different other classmates. Our class this year is so effing.......................just plain sucky! high school with adults. I don't feel the support system I felt a year ago.

Back to my friend, she says this place is so different from home and she can't get comfortable. She can't be herself in these surroundings and she's constantly walking on a tight rope, it's mentally tiring! The difference between me and her is that I still try. I have just accepted that I can be close friends with someone who believes in a completely different thing than I do. Someone that lives a completely different lifestyle than me. I can take them for what they can give me and just enjoy the comforts we can give each other as friends. This isn't like your hometown. We don't have to understand where we're coming from. We don't have to totally relate to one another, we just have to relate enough and once you can accept that you start moving into your comfort zones with people.

She says she just can't do that. That'll just add to her feeling like she's fake and not genuine. As much as I tried to convince her out of that mindest, I actually feel the exact same way she's feeling many times.

Off on Jewish holidays!

2009-09-28T11:58:00.003-05:00

I go to a school where we get Jewish holidays off. I also have to really hope that Eid falls on a weekend so that I can actually go to Eid prayer without worrying about taking a makeup exam for the one I missed. While EVERYONE and their mama gets to go home for Christmas, I have to limit how much time I spend talking on the phone with distant family and friends wishing them a happy Eid. Don't even get me started about the month of Ramadan and school, that's like an entire blog all together. I would take it to capitol hill and make a case out of it, or maybe just the assistant dean's office, but I don't have energy to battle like I used to. I'll leave the activism for the next generation.

Nevertheless, I'm quite grateful to have today off to do some catching up. Happy Yom Kippur for those that celebrate!

Are guys scared of girls in hijab?

2009-09-25T20:49:00.005-05:00

The other night I was chilling with a friend at an arabic cafe when we bumped into one of the arab med students on campus. He invited himself to join us when right behind him walks in this White girl sporting some booty shorts. She walks up to a shelf displaying shisha accessories for sale and within about 10 seconds of her arrival the owner of the place and another employee happily rushed to her service....and I mean rushed!

"Did you guys just see that?" he said..."um yea!" we both replied. "I didn't get service like that...I actually had to go find him. Man that is discrimination against guys!" and he went on complaining about how unfair it is that it's socially acceptable for men to get discriminated against in society.

I had to chime in and let him know that it's not exactly a guy/girl thing; as a girl who proudly wears hijab I don't get such preferential treatment either. I pointed out that when I go to such places my nonhijabi friends usually get special attention in a way that I don't. I understand that one of the purposes of hijab is to give off a certain image and ward off a certain type of attention....but sometimes the differential treatment crosses into the unfair zone.

As an example I pointed out that I used to frequent this place last year with a Persian, nonhijabi and somewhat of a risque-dresser, friend. Sometimes she would get there before me and thus would be by herself until I showed up. On those instances it wasn't uncommon that by the time I came she would have been served with some complimentary drink, desert, and once even a free hookah. I would either end up mooching on whatever free stuff she got or I would end up ordering something I wanted and paying for it! Not that I would want any greasy server checking me out out of the corner of his eye and winking at me, but it wasn't cool that we both came together, we're both girls, and I would pay but she wouldn't. If I got there first and was waiting for her all alone I didn't get anything more than a cordial greeting.

My nonhijabi friend completely agreed with me and says she notices stuff like that all the time when she goes out with a group of girls mixed with hijabis and nonhijabis alike. Although they all came together and are sitting together, and are socializing in the same manner they're still looked at differently and get different attention. Of course there's a certain type of attention we're thankful to not have, but when our waiter is attentive to every word the girl next to me is saying but completely ignores me like I'm not even there......that's just rude! The irony is this differential treatment is much more obvious in arab settings and it's something that Arab guys practice more than Americans....that's my personal experience!

My nonhijabi friend's theory is that she thinks it's because a lot of guys are just intimidated and maybe even scared by girls that wear hijab. For some guys they look at a girl in hijab and see little else. We might as well be a walking hijab and thus they put up an instant barrier. I'd hate to think that anyone was so judgemental of me, but it doesn't mean there's no truth in it.

Our med student friend was listening like this was the first time he was hearing such observations and then added that it's totally not like that across the board. For him he was always more attracted to girls that wear hijab as opposed to those that don't (awwww how cute)...maybe it's just the way he was raised he concluded.

So what are YOUR thoughts about this trend? I definitely don't want this to turn into a discussion regarding the purpose and/or validity of hijab, that's not the point here. I'm talking specifically about our observation that nonhijabi girls get excluded from preferential treatment that their friends get in social settings-and it's usually by our own kind.

Coincidentally, I didn't end up paying for my coffee or hookah that night :)

Eid: A Photo Post!

2009-09-21T17:28:00.008-05:00

Can you believe I made it to salat al Eid EARLY? I love to hear the takbeer on Eid morning!

Downtown for some crepes!

Super fresh!

Ed Hardy can do more than just tatto-inspired Tshirts

Who says we're too old for Eid presents?

We happily discovered we had Muslim neighbors who bake things on Eid!

The Saints totally whooped the Eagles. Ya3ni what more can I ask for today?

At some point I had to face reality and remember that I have two semi-killer exams the next day. Needless to say there wasn't very much sleeping that night.

Kul Sana winto salmeen!

2009-09-20T08:10:00.001-05:00

Eid mubarak!
I'm so happy today and I'm filled with so much love and gratitude on our holy holiday. I truly hope that everyone else is having a happy eid.

Your blogging/blog reading hiatus

2009-09-18T10:24:00.003-05:00

So what makes you go into a blogging hiatus? Is it because you just don't have anything to talk about or did you come to a point where blogging is no longer enjoyable? Maybe for some the blog scene became a place filled with question marks they'd rather not be associated with. I went through a phase like that.

I've kind of sort of been neglecting my blog. For me it's not that I don't have anything to share-it's quite the opposite. I don't mean to sound so cliche and typical but I'm incredibly busy. I haven't watched TV in like a month. I haven't even watched the Saints play their first game and that's the truth! Free time is limited so I prioritize doing things with friends when I have it. Speaking of which I feel like my social life is withering away as a result of the new move and being in a different class this year. It really sucks and even makes me feel sad sometimes but that's a different post all together.

I've definitely been on hiatus from blog reading. I did some catching up this morning but I just feel too guilty spending time reading blogs. In fact I'm feeling guilty right now that I'm not studying at this moment and haven't even started studying today! My friend whose in all my same classes left a dinner early last night to go back to the library and study till closing time. What did I do? I chilled for another hour catching up with old faces talking about nothing, went to starbucks, went to the masjid, hung out after, then I slept in and was very close to being late for clinic this morning, and now I'm behind on life!

So yea I don't read blogs anymore. After this round of exams is over I might go back to routinely checking the reader for those high quality blog posts.

So that's my blogging hiatus explained blog post.

The view from my window

2009-09-09T11:36:00.005-05:00

It was a rain day!

I moved into my apartment/condo early last week and I finally have a sense of housing security. It wasn't yet ready but as soon as we got the keys me and my friend masriyya (now my roomie) moved in. Work was still being done on the place but we didn't care. We couldn't spend another day being homeless especially during Ramadan and so close to exam time. So we moved in initially with nothing but her old mattress and our bags of junk.

Free valet service, 24 hour concierge, balcony with a view, our own bathrooms, walking distance to restaurants and shops, biking distance to the beach, and did I mention we have FREE VALET SERVICE.....I'm totally loving it!

The biggest downside is that we've moved farther away from our favorite masjid to go to in Ramadan. We've also moved away from the usual hangout spots to the point where I've been feeling a little out of the loop with my friends since the move.

We're so excited to start having people over and we're even making plans to host this year's Eid dinner. Hopefully we'll have some living room furniture by then.

Ya3ni If only

2009-08-28T01:28:00.003-05:00

If only it was possible to be totally anonymous

If only people weren't so curious about your true identity behind that blogger alias

If only I could be assured that noone I personally know will ever stumble upon my blog and think it's me.

I would have like such a kickass blog right now.

It would be like the arab-american muslim version of sex and the city.

If only I can freely talk about my experience, the experiences we all relate to growing up Muslimah and american, the thoughts we'd never want our babas to know about...the contradicting conclusions about our existence we've come up with....all those time you've had to ask Allah (swt) desperately for forgiveness or pray for some serious strength. I'd blog about all of that and it would be a pretty kickass blog.

Our experience is unique and our story needs to be heard. Unfortunately I'm not going to be the one to tell it.

Ya3ni...if only there actually was such thing as freedom of speech.

Reflections on first day of Ramadan

2009-08-23T14:55:00.003-05:00

I was nervous about this Ramadan starting. I want to take advantage of the added blessings of this month, participate in the nightly prayers, and read qur'an daily. At the same time, school is very demanding. I'm in class all day on most days and then I'm expected to come home and memorize a large volume of material. There's a couple of classes that I worry regularly about passing.

Although it's possible, I find it really hard to be productive when I'm fasting. It doesn't help that I've been addicted to coffee since the age of 15, nor does it help that the vast majority of muslims on my campus feel that being students of the health professions exempts them from fasting. So I'm artfully trying to rearrange my schedule to maximize efficiency. I know what my limits are so before Ramadan I focused on my two hardest classes and tried to get ahead as I can. I figured I can do the lighter studying while I'm fasting. The result of that is that I got a little behind in all of the other classes.

So on the night before Ramadan I stayed up as late as I could to "study", I ended up spending half that time or more on facebook. I slept in late and dragged myself to the library in the afternoon where I shared a study room with Persian Princess and another friend. They had gotten there a few hours ahead of me and I just kept complaining to them about how I can't study. I barely studied 6 pages of immunology and left the library early...still complaining. I was invited for iftaar and afterwards we went all went and prayed. I bumped into one of the dental students and we got carried away in conversation and eventually told to "be quiet or get out". I was happy that I got to pray at the masjid but I knew it's something I'm not going to be able to do regularly.

I came back to the hotel around midnight and Persian princess was sleeping. I stayed up again to "study" and slept in. I went to the library late into the afternoon and only checked one thing off my study list before I was falling asleep on the table. So I said "goodbye I need a nap" and all 3 friends I was studying with expressed that they're worried about me. They said I'm not studying enough and I'm going to fall behind and have panic attacks like I did last year. That made me get just a tad bit defensive as I reminded them how I'm ahead of all of them in optics.

Yea, I'm worried about me too and decided that tonight I'm skipping the masjid and praying on my own so that I can go to the library instead. I'm also considering skipping iftar with friends. Neither of those things are fard and I just simply must accept my circumstances and do what I have to do.

Ramadan Kareem to all!

Have you heard of Kombucha?

2009-08-21T09:36:00.004-05:00

I first heard about this stuff in the Bethenny Frankel book when I read it months ago. She replaced coffee and other caffeinated unhealthy drinks with a daily serving of kombucha. It's pretty much fermented Chinese tea that contains billions of probiotic flora (lactobacillus bacterium and S.Boulardi) that's been flavored and bottled for us to enjoy. You can actually see the bacterial cultures floating around in the bottle!

Among it's claimed benefits is to support digestion, metabolism, immune system, appetite and weight control, liver function, body alkalinity (which I've been lectured about by my nutritionist), cell integrity, and healthy skin and hair. Mind you I don't believe in miracle drinks, hence the word "SUPPORT". I figured if Bethenny does it it's got to be good for something.

There's only 2 places in my whole home town that sells Kombucha and of them is Whole Foods! I've been drinking this stuff since I discovered it and I can definitely attest to the digestion and appetite control benefits. I also just really like it, I like the way it makes me feel especially when compared to the way drinking caffeine makes me feel. If you're trying to ween out of your excessive coffee fix or even those sugary drinks you're hooked on, I definitely recommend you try this it. My personal favorite is the Synergy brand guava goddess kombucha. I'll warn you though..it's acquired taste!

The crazy thing that happened yesterday

2009-08-17T08:00:00.005-05:00

At the moment I'm homeless. I've been staying in a hotel with my friend Persian princess for the past week and although the situation has gotten to be stressful due to the fact that the space is small and we both have lots of stuff-it looks like we have no choice but to stay for another week. It's really more like a motel, but the sign does actually say "hotel". I'm leasing a really nice apartment in a downtown high-rise, and she's purchasing a cute little condo; however neither of our places are ready for move in, nor do we know exactly when they will be, nor did we foresee this coming when we signed our leases. We agreed that as soon as either one of us gets the key we'll both vacate the hotel and the other will stay with her until her place is also ready.

So early Sunday my alarm clock rings for fajr and I dutifully get up to make wudu'. I come out of the bathroom and realize I have no idea where my prayer clothes are. I looked and looked but I didn't want to turn the lights on or make too much noise and wake up Persian princess. After a few minutes I just thought "efffff this" and went back to bed........without praying.

When I got back up a few hours later I had plans to spend the first half of the day in the library. I was proud of myself as I exited the "hotel" room rolling my laptop briefcase and carrying my hot pink kate spade tote looking like the nerd that I can be, I noticed a few police cars in the parking lot and random broken glass everywhere with people standing around. I realized quickly that someone's (or more than one) car was broken into during the night. "Wow that sucks" I thought to myself. I walk to my car and put my briefcase and bag in the passenger seat oblivious to anything. I closed the door and turned around to walk to the other side and that's when I first noticed the pile of glass next to my car.

I looked up and gasped in horror as I saw where the glass came from.....my busted window! I waited my turn to file a police report which took some time considering I was one of 4 busted cars. I had boxes of stuff filling my back seats (I drive an SUV) so that's probably what inspired the break-in. Coincidentally my GPS wasn't in my car, it was in Persian princess' since we took her car out the night before. I had an expensive piece of jewelry in a bag in the back seat inside the actual jeweler's bag, but alhamdulilah they completely overlooked that. We couldn't tell that anything was missing right away, but a couple hours later the cops called and said they found my purse in the bushes. It was an empty purse with random junk in it; the purse itself is worth a lot more than its contents but obviously the thieves weren't women and didn't know that. At least I got my purse back.

The whole situation for me combined with everything else I'm going through was just too much for me at the moment...too much on my plate and that whole thing almost sent me on the edge. I had to step back and keep saying alhamduillah alhamdulilah alhamdulilah and remind myself that it could have been way worse and in reality it's not a big deal..nothing was taken from me (except a window really) and noone was hurt.

Thankfully I am surrounded by supportive people who wanted to do things to ease the stress on me. Persian Princess was just being extra nice to me and offering to do all these little things for me. Some fellow optos offered their place if I wanted to leave the hotel and rides if I wanted to drop my car off somewhere. One of the arab med students insisted I just give him the key and he'll take care of of getting the window replaced because if it was his sister he'd want someone to do the same. Now that is some Muslim brotherly chivarly that we don't see enough of nowadays. I'm not one to get guys to do favors for me, but you know what I think I'll let him do that. I'm just too stressed out right now and having someone else take care something on my list of things to do is going to beneficial to my mental health at the moment.

Letter to my family and friends

2009-08-15T13:01:00.004-05:00

The first thing you must know is that I love you! I appreciate your presence and I'm thankful to have you in my life.

I'm not going to be answering my phone, returning phone calls in a timely fashion, chatting with you on facebook, or texting for fun like we like to do. I'm not coming home in the near future. I won't be home for Labor Day or Thanksgiving and I realize I'm going to be missing engagement parties and birthdays. I'm sorry that I haven't openly extended an invitation for you to come visit like I normally do. I hope that you didn't get annoyed at me when I expressed that I can't have visitors this semester.

Please don't be annoyed at me and please don't think that I don't appreciate you. Understand that this semester is not only difficult, but also a critical one for me. I'm not talented enough to maintain my long distance relationships, my school social life, and my 22 credit graduate hours. I realize that for some of us we have gotten close over the past few months and my new attitude would make me seem like a bad friend, sister, and daughter...and maybe I am those things, but I ask that you be the better friend and try to understand what I'm going through and keep in mind that it's temporary.

Of course though, I have not forgotten about our girls' ski trip!

Loneliness....

2009-08-08T22:41:00.005-05:00

It's the feeling I'm overwhelmed with at the moment. I got here this morning, to college town. It was a 15 hour drive punctuated with a dinner date with an old friend and spending the night at Randy's grandparents home (she's visiting them) on the way.

Leaving home was really really hard for me. Harder than it ever was. Normally I'm optomistic and excited, but it wasn't like that this time. I was so sad and I still am. I've had a constant lump in my throat for like 4 days straight. Angela texted me on the way and I had to exercise restraint to not cry. I already miss everyone so much.

It might be different this time because I'm not here under the best circumstances which I don't feel like getting into right now. Maybe it's different because I'm tired physically from working and I didn't quit early enough to give myself a break before school starts. It could also be different because of things that happened in my life the past month or so that I haven't properly recovered from. However think the biggest reason why things were different because this time when I came to leave I felt like my family really needed me to be at home. My mom needs me to keep her sane and calm, my sister needs me to be her friend at this stage of life, my brother needs me to keep him in check, and my dad needs my constant reassurances.

Now I'm bymyself. I'm crashing at a friends place because my apartment is not yet ready, she's out clubbing with some other friends which is an extracurricular activity I haven't adopted (and never will). My ex-roomates who I was friends with no longer live here. 2 of my close friends from last year graduated. Another handful aren't in town yet. I have noone else to call that can be here for me right now. So I'm by myself and instead of picking out my outfit for tomorrow's orientation, organizing my papers, and making my list of things to do-I just want to bury my head into a pillow and cry. I can't help this sadness that's overcome me.

Thinking about getting the Blackberry Storm?

2009-08-07T09:36:00.009-05:00

I just got the blackberry storm 2 days ago after my Samsung PDA Of 3 years decided it doesn't want to serve me anymore. Despite the not-so-hot reviews users gave it on amazon and other sites, I love mine!

I think that since I got used to using a touchscreen I didn't find this blackberry non-user-friendly which is what most people say about it, I definitely didn't want to go back to pressing buttons but if that's what you're used to than you might not like it. The free applications are useful, the screen is really clear, the keyboard buttons and icons are big enough for me, and I found that it's very easy and convenient to check and send emails. I've heard the iphone is a lot easier to navigate; I don't have too much experience with the iphone so I can't comment there. All I know is that I'm more than satisfied with my selection!

Ok I have to admit it wasn't complete smooth sailing, I've been unable to send text messages but that's actually more of a verizon network problem than it is a blackberry problem. Also general web browsing is slow and probably not too practical to use, but that's the case with the iphone as well. Hopefully I won't be getting too distracted in class!

Tearful endings and exciting beginnings

2009-08-03T13:16:00.004-05:00

I'm leaving again.

This is my last week home after being here for about 5 months. I'm going back to school town this week and starting the semester on Monday. There are a lot of sad things about these days, but there's also a happy side.

Since I've been home I've reconnected with a lot of my childhood friends. I was working with my best friend Angela so I saw her on most days. We also work out together and she has served as my relationship counselor. Suzy's home was the location of many evening girl gatherings around the hookah, coffee, and maybe a rented DVD or a card game. Randy has been my partner in crime ever since she moved back home a couple months ago when she separated from jerkface (her husband). I've also made some new relationships like with my friend Sam who might just be the friendliest hot girl I'll ever meet. In addition, I've actually become friends with my sister; we've been hanging out a lot lately. So saying goodbye is going to be a really difficult thing to do....I mean REALLY difficult. I've already gotten a head start with the crying.

I'll also no longer be working plus I have greater expenses, which means I have to readjust some of my spending habits if I don't want to get myself in trouble. No more Sephora, massages, and facials. I'm also going to be saying goodbye to having responsibility-free evenings that I've been spending hanging out, liesure reading, or watching tv. Another aspect I'm not looking forward to is despite the fact that I've been doing pilates and cardio regularly-I've been eating a lot of bad food and I'm going to university city having gained about 10 lbs since I left it. I've considered going on a crash diet but that lasted about a day. It's ok though, I know it'll come right off once I get settled into my new disciplined and scheduled routine. I'm definitely going to go back to training or take up pilates if I can find a conveniently located studio.

I've also already had a rough start, my apartment isn't going to be ready until september so I'll be staying with friends until then which is not going to be the most convenient thing.

Despite all that, I have a lot of things to look forward to as well. I really love the city itself, it's a comfortable place to be living in. I'm excited about going back to school and having the opportunity to achieve. I actually can't wait to sit in front of a set of lectures in a library and study; I can't wait to do well and kick some test booty! Especially after spending these past few months working long hours and making a very modest hourly wage. Now I just want to be the best eye doc I could possibly be!

I'm excited about the people. I miss my school friends and we've already been making plans for when we all get back. Also, I'm excited about meeting people in the new classes..I know there are going to be some new muslim or arab faces a few I've already gotten acqainted with thanks to facebook. Socially speaking, I think it will be a fun year.

Another thing I have to look forward to is my new apartment! I'm going to be staying in a really nice downtown luxry condo. Thanks to the economic and housing crisis, me and my roomate were able to negotiate an awesome deal. The drawback is that it's kind of far from my campus, but it'll be worth it and it's a fair arrengement since it's the midpoint between me and my roommate's campus.

Plus, I made a deal with Randy that if I do well this semester we're going to go on a girls' vacation. We considered a European country, but less of our friends are going to be able to join us. So now we're leaning towards a ski trip. Vail, Colorado perhaps? Anyone been there before?

Awwwwwww I'll miss you guys too

2009-07-29T16:25:00.006-05:00

"Oh come on you had to suspect something.....

You didn't notice that I was gone for 2 hours when I said I was only going to the post office?

You didn't think it was weird that xxxxx was being so nice to you today?

Did you not see the food in the kitchen?

You didn't notice that xxxx used the back door today and she always uses the front?

It didn't make you suspicious when you came back and realized the front door was locked???

MAN you are OBLIVIOUS!"

Honestly I had no clue! Today the office threw me a surprise going away lunch party since tomorrow is my last day (I leave next week to go back to school). Maybe if it was my last day I would have been suspicious, but today they could have planned it in front of me and I still wouldn't have noticed. One of my superiors asked me if I could please walk to the restaurant next door to ask if we could borrow ice. Ice for what? she said she said she had some homemade iced tea for us but it's too warm and she would greatly appreciate it if I can go find some ice. Angela would do it she said but she just came back from running office errands and was too hot now. "Ok......... well let me just call them and make sure that's ok first" I answered. "No no no no" everyone protested, "it's not worth it by the time you get off the phone with them you could have been there and back".

OK SHEESH! Fine I'll go.

When I came back the front door was locked so I just got really annoyed because it was hot. Angela opened the door and was victim to my reprimand. "what's wrong with you? why would you lock the door like that?" I handed the jumbo cup of ice to my coworker and sat back down in front of my computer to finish the writing assignment I was working on. Then I got annoyed because she made a comment about it not being enough ice, but I just pretended like I couldn't hear her.

About 30 seconds after I sat down my supervisor told me she needed to speak to me in the empty front office which we use for meetings with clients. Now that I type this up I'm realizing how oblivious I really am, I still had no clue! Although everyone was standing instead of at their desks working I still didn't realize what was up until I walked in and saw the all the food on the table and a huge pink gift bag on the floor.

Wow I was so touched! They didn't do this when previously 2 employees were transferred to a different location so really I wouldn't have expected anything like this. They also got me a really practical gift I'll definitely be making use of: a lap desk + matching accessories. Oh and the cake...of course it came from Whole Foods!

on love and relationships from a wise best friend

2009-07-24T23:03:00.004-05:00

This is why my best friend is my best friend. I can tell her (almost) anything without fear of being judged or partronized. Not only that, but she'll always find something positive to say about you. I was going through a little crisis, to sum it up basically I'm scared. I'm scared that I invest too much of myself and that I could be heartbroken. There is noone else I would rather talk to about it, so I sent her a facebook message when I knew she wasn't available to talk. She replied back with a really long message that had me in tears and feeling so much better. I'm posting parts of it here because I'm sure some of you gals out there might get something out of hearing this too.

Me:

Seriously I think I have a problem. I can't stop obsessing over this. As much as I kept telling myself that I'm not even going to think about it I always do!!!! I dreamt about it all last night. ...........I can't help it, thinking about these things and holding on to the hope that this might turn into something real is one of the few pleasures of my daily life. It's like sometimes life sucks without having this to think about so I become all obsessive. Then when it doesn't work out, I become so heartbroken because I pinned so much hopes, fantasies, and desires on to it so it has the potential to turn into a huge let down. What is wrong with me????????

Angela:

NOTHING IS WRONG WITH U HUN!! actually u had me literally laughing uncontrollably when i read the pilates daydream .....u know what the truth is that ur just genuinely honest about the things that are going thru ur mind, trust me, that happens to everry girl, and I completely understand what u mean when u say that hinking about one of these daydreams actually becoming reality is one of the few fun happy moments in the day, girl i hear u all the way! To be honest with u, i think part of it we can control and part of it we really cant control.

its exciting to think of life moving to that next phase that we are sooo ready for and to finally have that person who makes it his primary concern to ensure ur wellbeing and happiness, that feels damn good after 20 something years of worrying about yourself all the time and dealing with parents and families who only make it harder instead of easier...All i can say is that i realy think there is a part of it that u can control though, and thats to not invest those hopes and excitment into this particular guy b/c thats what will leave u depressed and upset if thigns dont work out. Its too easy for these damn asshole guys to dissapoint and let us down, and personally after investing my feelings into ......., ........., .......... and God knows who else along the way and letting myself experience heartbreak or betrayal or whatever other damn asshole things guys make u feel, I am so protective of my feelings like very consciousley b/c I know I cant handle the let down or dissapointment again and again, i mean luv and heartbreak can make ppl do crazy things, and esp seeing how crazy xxxxx and xxxxx got and how far they went acting out of stupidity i really was scared about not letting myself get there.

Point being ur not at all crazy, look at what it does to everyone, so let urself enjoy ur daydreams, but realize ur daydreaming about a bigger picture, not this or any specific guy just yet, but it is about whoever is the right guy that Allah (swt) has written for u. so knowing that and believing that Allah (swt) will take care of u and that all the patience and all the pain that u have endured are all going to be worth so much more on the scale of ur good deeds inshallah than any worldy pleasure we will get from some dipshit man ;)

.....yea of course its dissapointing, but think of it as one more conquered obstacle on ur path to love. Honestly, I think all that u go thru in this time and all the things u r forced to learn about urself and all the time u can spend to realize thru seeing others and ur own experiences about what kinda relationship u want etc are so valuable and really do make the difference btween a regular marriage and a happy marriage...

ok i think im writing way too much here but my point is theres nothing wrong with u, but yea dont set urself up for dissapointment b/c of this one particular guy, ....neways hun ur one sexy girl and ur like the funnest person to be around, ur one of those ppl that its like the more and more time someone spends with u instead of getting annoyed by u or sick of u, it just makes them want to be around u even more, so i have no doubt that allah (swt) is just protecting u from the wrong ppl and will unite u inshallah with someone who values all that u r and treats u and gives u everything u deserve!
luv ya,
Angela

Hammering nails with Coach shoes and pink lip gloss

2009-07-23T22:33:00.008-05:00

So I never really talked about the outcome of the first volunteer project I organized as volunteer coordinator. We didn't have very much time to rally and organize; we literally had a few days notice but alhamdulilah it was a great success.

It was a rebuilding project that involved fixing up an elderly disabled man's residence so that it can actually be livable. The organizing took a lot of work especially because it was our first such event. There were a lot of materials and supplies that we didn't even have and there were a lot of logistics that needed to be worked out such as having the right professionals there at the right time. Guess who was responsible for the oversight of all of that? Yours truly. If it wasn't for the help that I had and people willing to take on the tasks I was delegating to them I don't know how this event could have happened. We probably would have had to postpone because it was just too much work for one person.

Not that I'm complaining, I'm happy to do it. This is the fun part of working. Alhamdulilah it was a great success. 14 volunteers ended up showing up at the meeting spot. Many of them were young, had little or no such experience, didn't know what sheet rock was, and some didn't know how to use a hammer. Some of them inspired the title of this post. However they came with a lot of energy and the willingness to work. We stayed for 6 hours and got a lot done. We definitely got down, dirty, and stinky. I was being a nazi about making sure everyone was taking the proper safety precautions and alhamdulilah there were no significant injuries. The volunters made some people very happy and I was sooooo proud of everyone.

When you do good for others you might be helping yourself more than anyone else. The feeling that you get as a result of being able to make such a positive difference in someone else's life(lives) is just priceless. It's also a very humbling experience, and who couldn't use a little bit of humbling every now and then. One thing that made me really happy at the end of the day is knowing that I had a part in making some of these youngsters, like my little brother, come to that realization and feel the value of such community service.

A Bridal Shower Photo Post

2009-07-19T22:16:00.010-05:00

It was a lot of fun. About 20 dressed up gals showed up. It didn't start too smoothly since this is like the first time everyone decides to come to my house on time and I definitely was not ready. I made my first guest act as the host until I finished getting primped. Then I spent like half an hour trying to figure out where I placed the game prizes. I was so frustrated with myself I almost started crying. However, it was a blast! The best part was seeing my friend so happy and grateful. If there were more hours in the day I'd take up party planning as a new hobby. I have a lot of fun attempting to get creative.
It was heartwarming that some people couldn't make it but still wanted to contribute in some way. My best friend Angela who couldn't be there made these candy-stuffed bridal gown favors. She came over early in the morning with the supplies. Another person sent over some trays of food. Oh and the girls got pretty creative with the food. Suzy made this french toast casserole that was to die for.

I was so excited that we came up with an idea to finally make use of those disposable champagne glasses that involved PINK chocolate covered goodies. Me and my sister made these the night before. Not only does it look pretty, but it actually tasted really good.

If you need a great bridal shower (or other gathering) game idea, the purse scavenger hunt was actually really fun. My list included things like a 1979 penny, socks, a baby picture, and a Victoria's Secret Angel Card. The winner found 9 out of 15 items in her purse.

It was between a bridal sash, a tiara, or a veil. We went with the veil. She said she would keep it on her bedroom dresser forever.

It Happened Twice!

2009-07-18T18:53:00.004-05:00

I was about to create a photo post of yesterday's shower until I viewed the IP tracker and started freaking out. Yesterday someone from my hometown did a yahoo search on "the diary sequel" TWICE from the same IP address.

I have some theories because I haven't been too careful. Yesterday I had the blogger screen up for at least the beginning of the bridal shower and there were a couple of people who did have access to my room. Something like that could have caught some one's attention. The first search was at the time that the party was supposed to have ended however I don't know if anyone left early enough to have gotten home at that time. From what I can remember everyone stayed past the hour.

The other thing is I've been careless at work. Sometimes I even forget to click off the screen when I leave for errands or lunch.

Is it time to shut down yet again? I wish there was a way I can just block hometown visits at least and free myself from this anxiety and paranoia.

Can I just vent over here?

2009-07-16T21:36:00.007-05:00

Seriously? Can I? Of course I can. It's why I keep this blog around.

First of all, I'm about to send a nasty email to all of tomorrow's invitees and I don't care that I'm being mean. Do not bring kids to my house, to my events, or to my planned social gatherings unless I told you you could. I'm not super heartless I do make realistic exceptions. However if I barely know you and I was nice enough to invite you because you're a friend of the bride, I better not hear that you plan on dragging along your 10 year old kid sister. Anyway, a bridal shower is definitely not the place for a 10 yr old. You'll just be ruining it for the rest of us as we have to censor our conversations.

Second of all, I'm really upset that my best friend Angela who is also a very close friend of the bride is not allowed to come to the bridal shower, the henna, or the wedding. Why? Family rivalry! To make up for it she's been doing a lot of behind the scenes work to help out where she can. Out of guilt she's been secretly running errands for the bride and has been helping me with the shower planning. She did some shopping for me and will be coming by in the morning to drop off a deserts she made. It's just been a very sensitive, akward, and uncomfortable subject within our circle friends. A lot of the girls just don't understand and I don't blame them. I can't say I completely understand either...sometimes I have to restrain myself from the urge to grab her and say "what the hell is wrong with you? You grew up with this chick and she's one of your closest friends. Your mama needs to get over it!"

Third of all, when do I get to sleep? Not only am I tired, I'm also overwhelmed as hell. I work 9-7, I'm planning a bridal shower on my day off, and my first project that I've organized as volunteer coordinator for my agency is this weekend. I complain to everyone and then I feel bad that I'm complaining and probably overwhelming them. The bridal shower is in like 12 hours and when I click "publish" I'll just be starting to make the favors, set up the games, and decorate which I may or may not actually do. In between then I have my pilates class to go to and of course my own beautifying routine is going to take a couple hours.

Fourth of all and probably the biggest source of stress has been the volunteer project I'm organizing this weekend. It's a rebuilding project and I didn't have too much time and notice because it came out of an emergency situation. There are still so many loose ends that need to be tied and so many logistics to take care of. I've spent countless hours this week either writing emails or talking on the phone with regards to this project. Other than the actual rebuilding and gathering volunteers there's so many things you have to think about. I have to make sure the situation I'm putting young volunteers in is adequately safe and secure (it's in the ghetto), the appropriate professional(s) is on site, the necessary tools and materials are there, food, refreshments, publicity stuff, and even some legality issues (consent forms, disclaimers, etc). Every hour some new issue pops up in my face. I have people helping me that I can delegate tasks to but the ultimate responsibility falls on my shoulders.

I'm going to be really happy when this weekend is over.

I Need Your Bridal Shower Ideas

2009-07-15T21:31:00.005-05:00

Remember when I asked you for your lunch party recipes? well you guys really came through so now I'm asking for your bridal shower ideas.

Don't get too excited it's not mine! I'm hosting a bridal shower for one of my close friends whose getting married next week. Me and her go way back so I really wanted to do this for her. Her and her fiance's story is really cute in a Romeo and Juliet type of way. Anyway, that's not the point of this post, I need some bridal shower ideas!

The party will be Friday so I realize this is a last minute plea. The whole plan was pretty last minute and I've been very busy with a new project at work (I'm now the volunteer coordinator for our agency's branch-more to come later). I actually feel pretty guilty because I've definitely been skimping in comparison to my social gathering-throwing standards. I don't plan on making any food, I advertised it as a pot luck. Today I made my sister go to Party Time to try to see what bridal shower-themed things we can pick up on our very limited budget which I'm already over. We got minimal decorations-a sign to put out on the yard, a banner, a bridal veil that we'll make her wear.

The most creative thing I've come up with is I got this glass keepsake box personalized from Things Remembered and I asked all her friends to each write her a letter to put in the box that we'll present to her as our personal collective gift. That might make her shed a tear or 2, and I may shed my own tears as I write my letter to her.

Over the years she evolved into becoming pretty conservative so there won't be music and dancing at this party-I'll have to get creative. Thanks to google I found 2 group games that should be fun. One of them is a purse scavenger hunt and the other is called "the bride leaves the room" where we make her leave to ask questions about her appearance that day (what color is her necklace?). I even got some nice prizes for interest perking purposes. Then of course we eat, chit chat, and oooh and ahhh as she opens up borderline naughty gifts.

That's all I've got on the agenda! I really feel guilty and like I haven't done enough. The evite went out to 30something girls and I expect around 20 to show up. It's a daytime brunch thing with a summer dressy dresscode. I explicitly stated in the evite that jeans will not be allowed at this event. So now you have a feel for what kind of gathering it'll be and that's all I've got folks.

Do you have any low maintenance ideas on what I can do to add some creativity and uniqueness to my homegirl's once-in-a-lifetime bridal shower?

A night of supporting local artists

2009-07-11T00:57:00.012-05:00

I attended this local artsy fartsy festival by accident. I was dragged along by someone who had to be there on an assigment. I didn't even understand where we were going. After the day I had I would have preferred to go home where it wasn't over 100 degrees, shower, and sleep forever. However it required too much energy to say no and come up with excuses, so I went.

Check out someone's 3-D illustration of the eye of the hurricane.

Thank God I did cause I would have never have known my little town was capable of this. Now I feel guilty because I like to take advantage of all things cultural and festive when I visit other towns like a tourist but I'm not even aware of what's in my own backyard. I guess we all do that right?

Moods (it was actually given a witty title that I can't even recall)

It's funny how many times tourists and short-term visitors may have experienced more attractions in your hometown than you in your lifetime of living there. I have cousins in Jordan that have never seen Petra, I know some South Floridians that have never been to south beach, New York city residents that never saw a broadway play (and it's not cause they can't afford it), and quite a few New Orleanians that have never been to a real Mardi Gras parade (it's not all Bourbon street, ok!).

This Obama art is made completely out of currency. I can't even imagine the work that went into this.

What is it about being accessible that makes it is so uninteresting? Uninteresting isn't even the right word here because to begin with we don't even know what's up down town!

Some performances at this local event with artists of all genres that I've never even heard of were more entertaining than concerts I attended of famous artists.

These guys totally reminded me of the Blue Man Group show. They were really good too!

Even these belly dancers with non-Eastern roots trained at a local studio totally performed better than I expected them to. Those White girls can dance!

My Poor Car

2009-07-06T14:35:00.006-05:00

This morning someone at work asked me to step outside. Unless it's your birthday, being asked to step outside is usually not a good thing. Allah yustur, I thought. I walked outside to witness this scene (above). I wasn't sure what happened yet but I walked back in, grabbed my diggie cam which stays in my purse, and snapped pics.

My poor car was hit in the parking lot when a driver lost control of her vehicle as a result of the fact that it was just raining cats and dogs. It was my coworker; she was very nervous and distraught. I think she was especially shaken up because of the images she associates with car accidents. She has a child that was involved in a bad car accident with fatalities and he is now disabled. I calmed her down and told her no big deal, accidents happen.

She hit the Acura which in turn rammed into my Lexus. Ironically it looks like my Lexus took a bigger hit than the Acura. When the cops came on scene they just burst out laughing. No one else really thought it was funny and to me it was just a tad bit unprofessional, not to mention annoying....whatever. Trying to figure out how to disassemble the cars was like playing a game of checkers. We weren't sure what vehicle to move in what order, in what direction, and to what degree without causing any further damage. One of the cops got on his car intercom system and guided us out of the tangle (in between his giggles).

"The Acura moves first!"

Who knows maybe the Baba will get me a new car out of this. This one has now acquired its share of dents and scratches. I don't know why it is that no matter how minor or major, no matter whose fault it was, and even if you weren't physically in it-accidents always leave you a little bit shaken up. As much as I assured my coworker that everything is alright I was a little bit jumpy. Alhamdulilah no one was hurt.

Reacting to bloggers and their posts

2009-07-04T14:11:00.004-05:00

Ok so I just read like one of the most annoying blog posts I've ever read. It definitely belongs up there in the top 5. Seriously, I was pretty pissed off...I couldn't even finish reading it till the end because I didn't want it to completely ruin my good mood.

If this had been around the time when I first joined the blogosphere, I would have replied with so much passion and fury and maybe a couple "who the hell do you think you are?" I would have brewed a cup of coffee in preparation for writing the perfect counter viewpoint while thoroughly illustrating the author's absurdity at the same time. In fact, I can often times tell if someone is new on the blog scene by the nature of their comments on posts.

Nowadays though it doesn't matter. I can just say "ok that was annoying" and move on. The exception would be when it's written by a really popular blogger with a widely read blog because in that case I don't feel like I'm wasting my time on ONE blogger's post but rather I'm reaching out to a large audience to lobby my argument. Other than though, I don't know this person, nor does the person know me. It's written by a virtual person that's part of a virtual world that might as well not even exist. So why react?

Investigating Norma Khouri in Forbidden Lie$

2009-06-29T23:09:00.003-05:00

Last week I started reading newly released Murder in the name of Honor by fellow Jordanian Rana Husseini. I’m somewhere in the middle and it’s a great book. I’ll save the review for a different post when I’m done. I’ll just say if it was up to me I’d read the whole book in one sitting….but unfortunately life calls.

Chapter 10 in the book titled Two Steps Back had me doing some of my own research. This chapter describes the damage that was done to furthering activism and awareness to stop honor killings by Jordanian author Norma Khouri who published a book in 2003 titled Forbidden Love. Khouri tells the story of her and her best friend who grew up in an extremely oppressive and backwards Jordanian society that eventually resulted in the honor killing of her best friend by her father. It was later established that the story was fabricated but unfortunately the revelation was after it had already gained great popularity. I’ve read about the Khouri scandal in brief on blogs before-the one that sticks out at the moment is this post from the Black Iris.

I’m not even thinking about reading this book, not for any closed minded reasons but simply because time is a limited resource and there are too many books I actually really want to read; however, I became very curious as to what would motivate Khouri to do what she did in such a brazen manner. I find it hard to believe that she’s passionate about this human rights abuse that she allegedly exposes. One thing she does seem to be passionate about is telling stories. Was her primary motive to seek fame, attention, or money? Or maybe she just has some loose screws in the head! Could she have actually convinced herself that her story sorta kinda did happen and was close enough to the reality?

Apparently many others shared those same curiosities and a group of folks decided to make a documentary out of investigating her story and exposing Norma Khouri. The film titled Forbidden Lie$ came out in 2007 and is an investigation of the story itself as well as an of its author who conned readers worldwide. You probably surfed on this post thinking you were about to read a review of the documentary you already heard about. Nope, sorry...I can't even find it!

For some reason that's driving me crazy I have been unable to access the film's official website from my connection. It's unavailable on netflix but I was able to "save" if and when Netflix bring it on board. Blockbuster online and my local Blockbusters also don't carry it. Does anyone know how I can watch this documentary?

Here's the trailer via youtube. If you got the chance to see it, what'd you think?

Don't wear cheap eyeliner and watch this movie

2009-06-27T23:27:00.002-05:00

Make sure you wear a good water-resistant one. That's my My Sister's Keeper movie review for you. I hope you liked it.

Also if you recently lost a loved one as a result of cancer or lost a sibling, I'd hold off on watching this movie. Don't worry you're not missing out, there are some other good movies out now.

Real Housewife of New Jersey rumours are true

2009-06-25T23:58:00.015-05:00

Identity change? Crack whore? Paid escort? Drug courrier? Involved with the Columbian drug trade? Extortionist? Kidnapping a hostage for ransom? and now a sex tape? Yea apparently it's all true.

I'm one of those people that has a natural tendency to side with the underdog. I really felt bad for Danielle when she became the ostracized one of the group. Sure she was inappropriate with some of her behavior such as dating a guy 20 years younger than her, but none of those ladies were angels (maybe Jackie) and they really made her out to be a freak. I even thought of her blonde nemesis Dina as a troublemaker who disprespected Danielle in her own home.

When this book written like 20 years ago about the life of Danielle's ex-husband, a voilent drug dealer turned cop, was discovered by the other housewives Danielle found herself defending herself regarding some really outrageous tales about her past when she was known by a different name. The entertainment media of course had a circus with the new shocking discovery giving the show more attention than when Kelly Bensimon of New York was arrested for beating up her boyfriend. Anyway, the book coming out of the closet added fuel to the fire as the other housewives become more weary of her presence and regarded her as a dangerous person to even be involved with. Which she would be if those things were actually true.

During the now very famous dinner confrontation scene thanks to youtube, Danielle stated that only two things written about her in that book were true: 1) that she changed her name and 2) that she was arrested. She was arrested as an accessory to a crime and was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time. Silly me I believed her.

The morning following the show reunion part 1, thesmokinggun.com outed her by obtaining her criminal records and publishing 26 pages for all to see. She was not arrested as an accessory as she said, she was directly involved and probably even orchestrated the whole thing. I heard it on the regular morning radio show news driving to work.

"Staub, once known as Beverly Ann Merrill, was arrested by FBI agents in June 1986 for her role in a kidnapping plot that grew out of a cocaine deal gone bad. According to documents filed in U.S. District Court in Miami, Merrill and Daniel Aguilar, who distributed narcotics for a Colombian drug family, sought to extort a $25,000 ransom from a man whose son they were holding."

If you haven't seen Teresa's table flip scene on youtube yet here it is. I must admit it kinda annoyed me that this is MY show that I faithfully follow and now all of these people tuned in just because some hot-headed Italian went berserko on TV. This show totally reinforced all of those New Jersey stereotypes.

Where were you when Michael Jackson died?

2009-06-25T17:31:00.004-05:00

I was about to publish a post with the title "where were you when Michael Jackson died" however the headlines have changed to report that he is in a coma. Literally minutes ago he was reported to be dead by top news sources and the whole office forgot we are supposed to be working.

Rejoice FOBS of the world.

(I was a joke, save your nasty comments please. There's nothing wrong with being a fob).

Ok I was about to publish this but the office's breaking news is that Michael Jackson has died. In memory of Michael Jackson, what is your favorite Michael Jackson song? Mine is actually by the Jackson 5...I'll be there.

Neda's Story

2009-06-23T09:56:00.003-05:00

If you live in a cave like me this week then you have not heard of Neda Soltani's story. I caught the headline along with flashes of bloody images in the gym this morning as I was practically committing suicide on the stairmaster. Seeing the Middle Eastern name in print and the gruesome amateur footage the first thing that came to my mind was that an honor crime was caught on camera.

I plugged in the headphone to the TV portal and realized that no that wasn't the case. On June 20th at a protest in Tehran Neda Soltani got out of the car to walk and was shot fatally in the chest by an alleged militia member. Cell phone cameras caught her last dying moments which were disturbing to watch.

I don't have any original thoughts and I feel I don't understand enough of the dynamics of Irani society to comment. This post is more of an acknowledgement of the tragic loss of an innocent young life at the hands of an individual who most likely abused his power. However I wanted to point out one thing. I noticed in numerous report that Neda is being compared to civilian symbols of heroism during times of conflict such as Tiananmen Square's Tank Man, the unarmed protester who stood in front of a Chinese tank in 1989.

The most obvious and appropriate comparison that sticks out in my mind is the story of 12 year old Palestinian Muhammad Al-Durrah. Both Neda and Muhammad were unintentionally (or perhaps intentionally) caught in the line of fire coming from figures of authority (soldier, militiaman). They were not there to fight, nor were they even activists. It's reported Neda didn't even vote in the recent Irani elections whose alleged outcome resulted in the uproar on the streets. Now both are being hailed as martyrs and great symbols of resistance. As fitting as it may be, we won't be seeing any such comparisons in the media in this part of the world.

May your soul rest in peace Neda Agha Soltani.

Those last few lbs: to pilates or not to pilates

2009-06-21T17:34:00.009-05:00

In the past I've been known to make drastic efforts or substantial investments when I'm feeling not so fit with the hopes that this will be the push I need. Sometimes it's worth it, but sometimes it's really not. The problem is it's almost impossible to predict beforehand whether it's going to result in a favorable outcome or if it's just another waste of time and money.

Investing in the Tae Bo set of DVDs and accessories when I was in high school was worth it. Getting a personal trainer in my college town proved worthy, and the first time I signed up for the services of a weight loss clinic was a worthy investment. When it's not worth it I lose money and time. I'm not sure it's worth it that I got a gym summer membership. This gym isn't cheap and since I started working I've only been going like 2x a week for some cardio....my workout now is nothing I can't do at home and hardly compares to the hardcore routine I was doing with a trainer. Also, it totally wasn't worth it that I re-signed up with that clinic when I felt the weight starting to come back on. My last appt with the nutritionist is this week and the second time around was a total waste of $350.

The past couple of years I lost a lot of weight and I would really like to lose 15 more pounds to reach my perfect happy place. However, since I've been home for the summer I put back on about 5-10 lbs....which isn't too much in comparison to what I lost, but it's definitely enough to make me feel yuck. Plus, it's not a good sign and it's not the direction I want to be going in.

What I'm involved in now-the gym and the nutritionist-haven't changed anything. So it's time to do something different to get me over this little bump in the road I've hit. After considering various options I'm seriously thinking about going to a pilates studio. My friend Randy started going there as part of her post-separation makeover and although it's only been a couple of weeks I've definitely seen the difference in her. Her tummy is flatter, she sits up taller, and she raves about it. Well, I wanna strengthen my core too dammit! I have a month and a half left to go back to school and it would be totally awesome to go back thinner than how I left. I think I'm getting bored with my current routine and trying something new and more challenging just might do the trick.

So what's the problem then? money honey! It's expensive and schedule-wise it's not very flexible which it should be for those prices. Before you sign up with any of their programs you have to take at least 2 private lessons to bring you up to basics and make sure you know what you're doing. Those lessons are 70 bucks a piece. Then you have to purchase some sort of package of classes. You can't just go in and out to take classes as you please, which makes sense....but it also makes it expensive!

I can afford pilates for my body if I start cutting some serious corners. So blog readers, what do you think? to pilates or not to pilates?

So I splurged on this dress

2009-06-20T22:54:00.004-05:00

I needed some kind of pick me up; something to feel better about myself. I haven't been feeling too good lately nor have I been treating myself well. The month of June started off badly then kind of stayed that way. Tonight the mother hosted a ladies dinner party and as is typical of my parents she invited everyone she knew....but I so wasn't up for it. Well, the most effective solution at the moment for my "I feel like crap syndrome" was to end up in a BCBG dressing room with an arm full of dressy clothes. So I splurged on this dress:

Yes I understand it's quite a bit more expensive than the usual pick-me-up splurges such as a pedicure or an itunes album, but the minute I tried this dress on I understood exactly why Mr.BCBG designed it: Me! Even the mother said I looked beautiful, and that woman does not compliment very easily.

So what was the last thing you splurged on?

A surprise revisit from the past...

2009-06-19T13:12:00.006-05:00

What motivates a guy to get in touch with a girl after a long period (like well over a year) of no contact? I say "guy" specifically and not "person" because I know that guys and girls tick differently; they respond to different things and are motivated by different factors generally speaking.

So why? Especially after it was really his fault and his choices that stopped a potentially blossoming relationship. Is it regret? an awakening maybe? Did he realize things after all this time of growing up that he didn't realize then? or could it just be desperation?

I thought they were supposed to be of the simpler gender, but seriousy I don't understand men!

The craziest thing you ever snuck into a movie theater

2009-06-13T13:12:00.003-05:00

I don't have a problem with the inflated prices of movie theater snacks as much as I have a problem with the selection. First of all, I think it's the stupidest thing that movie theaters don't normally serve coffee. Coffee/espresso drinks makes perfect sense when watching a movie. Second of all, where are the chocolate covered almonds? They have chocolate covered everything else.

Third of all, it's all junk food. What if I'm not in the mood for heavy, buttery, cheesy, sugary, and greasy? Sometimes I crave healthy snacks that make me feel good to eat, especially if it's late at night, but if I'm watching a movie in a theater then I'm totally screwed. I find saltless, butterless popcorn nasty.

So last night we had no choice but to catch the latest showing of The Hangover because it's the only time Suzy could secure a babysitter (her husband when he gets home from work). I came up with this totally genious idea to overcome my movie theater food anxieties. I boiled a bag of edamame (soybean) and packed them in a large ziploc to be put in my sister's oversized purse. I was pretty sure all the girls would be excited about the edible alternative I provided. Instead, they all kinda laughed, all 7 of them lol.

Although throughout the movie I kept hearing "dude, are you serious?" I very happily ate edamame straight out of sister's purse, drank water, and used Randy's nacho box to put the peels in.

So what's the craziest thing you snuck into a movie?

The book that just won't finish

2009-06-12T11:41:00.002-05:00

Isn't that so annoying? I've been reading Angels & Demons for like the past 3 weeks and this book just won't finish. I just can't stand reading it anymore and I really want it to finish it so that I can start a book I actually feel like reading. Thinking about having to finish this dumbass book is like giving me stress. I stil have about 100 pages to go.

It's a great book, but having read Dan Brown's other big book, The Davinci Code, I can already predict the overall plot cause authors retain their storytelling style. For example, I totally knew from the beginning who the villians were going to be (I knew Kohler was involved). I know they're going to have to solve puzzles and decipher clues, how they did it was unexciting and unsuspenseful cause I know they're going to do it and they're going to be right. I already know that they're going to stop the antimatter from destroying vatican city and that langdon isn't going to die. So it's hard to feel suspense during any of those fighting-for-his-life scene when I know he's going to make it anyway.

I'm so not in the mood, I want to read a girly book but this book is in my way. Yesterday I had the day off so I blocked out chunks of time to just speed read this book with no other side distractions. At the end of the day I resented the book even more and wanted to put Dan Brown on my hit list because I didn't go to the gym, I didn't go to lunch with my mom at her friend's house, and I only got through like 70 pages.

This book is like being in a bad relationship. It makes you miss out on living your own life. It makes you feel frustrated and it drains you. At the end of the day you have very little to show for it (70 pages??? I feel like I spent at least half the day reading!), and yet you still go back and give it another chance.

Tips on being a girls girl

2009-06-11T22:37:00.005-05:00

This is in response to a couple of comments from this post. I'm no expert, but from my own experiences I can give some pointers on how to at least not be a Kelly from Real Housewives. This chick just can't make friends with any of the ladies and has to invite some trophy guy with her everywhere she goes. If she bumps into a girl she just met she'll act like she's never seen her, but if she bumps into that girl's boyfriend she'll give him the warmest of greetings. She is so fricking annoying!

First of all, you do need your girlfriends. I don't care how catty, competitive, and petty chicas can be, a life without close girlfriends (if you're a girl) is lacking. You're missing out. I look at my friend Randy for example and although she has a really strong supportive family, I know that things would be harder for her right now if it wasn't for us being there and constantly doing things with her situation in mind.

For girls that feel they are more comfortable generally around males than females, have you ever thought that this has to do with YOU and the vibes that YOU yourself are giving off? Maybe through your own guarded or defensive attitude and body language you're sending a message that you don't want to be friendly. Would you want to talk to you?

SO then, for starters you can start becoming conscious of emitting friendly and welcoming energy. Make yourself more approachable, and make it easy for you to approach others. You should be the judge of how to best do that. Maybe you should look up and smile more (and don't smile at only guys). Maybe you should learn to compliment. It's not being fake, it's being friendly.

Tip#2, make efforts! I would want to make friends with the type of girls who I feel like would be there for me so I'd click with the ones that make the time and day. Organize a girls brunch and invite people-and tell them they can bring people. I would only not invite people I really didn't like or people who I thought wouldn't mix well with that crowd. Make sure you advertise it as a girls event. I always do stuff like this when I find myself in a new environment or when I get introduced to a new group. It's a great ice breaker and the right girls will respond positively. Your efforts will be appreciated which feels good, and the invites will be returned. After you've put yourself out there naturally you'll click and form more lasting bonds with the ones you have more in common with

Tip #3, you have to actually WANT to make friends in order to make friends. You can dismiss girls as being not worth your companionship....but then that's your problem.

Tip #4, Be considerate!

You should marry me..........

2009-06-08T14:20:00.003-05:00

I got some emails from an interested bachelor thanks to my cousin on the West coast whose been looking out for me. At work I showed it to Angela to get her opinion, we decided that other than him being irrationally prejudiced against makeup-we really like him! Angela then took it upon herself to write a reply email on my behalf. What do yall think....should I send it?

Salaam alaykum wa rahmatullah,

I think u should know that I’m hot and fun and good girl and you should marry me, I will get a few tattoos of makeup before I make that promise to you,but don’t worry inshallah once the procedures are done im going to make that promise! ;) just one more question before we end our interviews, are you really hairy? ;) ok well I am UPSing all my stuff to boston next week see you soon!

Love asoom

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Girls: you need your girlfriends

2009-06-06T20:08:00.004-05:00

I've never understood those girls that drop their friends once they get a guy, or girls whose social lives revolve around doing things with their family and family acqaintances (how fricking boring), or even worse.....girls that don't get along well with other girls BUT as soon as you put a guy in the picture all of a sudden they turn into miss confidence. I've always been a girls girl.

Your girls are important. What you get out of your solid relationships with your girlfriends is something you don't get from your mama, your daddy, your whole family, your significant other, your guy friends, your role model or mentor, your successful career, or your achievements. You can relate to and understand each other on a unique level.

When the pops is being unreasonable, when the mister in your life is being a butthole, when you failed a test, when you gain 5 pounds, when you randomly feel lonely, when you PMS, when you HAVE to have those overpriced sandals-your girls get it!

I grew up around a really tight group of girls. There was always something going on-we were always doing stuff. Today we compare ourselves to that awesome Now & Then movie. Throughout the years we lost some members, we gained some newbies, and some of us went in and out. Sure, there have been catfights, jealousies, tensions, competitions, family issues, grudges....that all comes with the nature of such relationships. At the end of the day if you survived in our group it's all worth it because the fun and fulfillment that you experience outweighs all the collective drama-which by the way gets less and less as you get older.

I can't imagine life without a good group of girlfriends that have your back at the end of the day. Your khalto can throw you a bridal shower, but your girlfriends can put together the most creatively-themed suprise bridal shower you've ever been to. We all go on family road trips and I'm sure honeymoons are exciting, but there's probably nothing like a girls getaway to get your mind off things. When you breakup with someone your family will make sure you're safe and protected, but your girlfriends will call you at regular intervals and put together a special care package with letters they wrote telling you that you were so much better than him anyway.

With that I leave you with a feel-good montage from one of my favorite movies:

My Book Queue

2009-06-03T14:16:00.008-05:00

I'm finding it hard to make time to read nowadays and thus I've been really slow. In time for the movie, I'm now reading:

I made a mistake of visiting a used book store too soon. I picked up this:

And this:

My best friend Angela who RARELY reads for leisure fell in love with this book that she gave me and told me to read it ASAP so that me and her can discuss it:

Since then, every time I see her (pretty much everyday) I get greeted with "Did you read the book yet? Did you read the book yet? Did you read the book yet? Did you read the book yet"

"NO. I haven't even started it."

BUT I saw the infomercial for a movie the other day based on a book I've been wanting to read:

Randy read the book and yesterday I told her I'll read it before the movie comes out so that we can go watch it together.

Then I see Angela today. "Did you read the book yet? Did you read the book yet? Did you read the book yet? Fine. You know what! Give it back to me so that I can give it to someone who actually wants to read it................"

Can I get a thank you? Sheeshh!!!!

2009-06-01T13:48:00.004-05:00

I work for a non-profit relief organization until I go back to school in the fall. It's a fun, rewarding job-but sometimes dealing with some people makes me wanna go "ughhhhhhhhhh"

We recently got a private special needs grant in a limited amount to help some clients with what we termed "special needs". We made a case to try to get assistance for a handful of people with urgent needs. We obtained specific information, wrote letters on their behalf, and then presented their cases in front of representatives that disburse these grants. I was really excited with the outcome; we were able to secure more funding than we were told was originally available.

So I began to coordinate getting the clients the things they needed. For one client we were trying to get a comprehensive eye exam and new eyeglasses for her child. The amount we got for her was pretty moderate and I wasn't sure if it would be enough. I called an eye doctor who I used to work for, him and his wife run his practice and I had good relations with them. I explained the situation and they agreed to provide the necessary services for the child for the limited amount we were able to get for them. So basically they've agreed to do a favor. So not only did we vouch for this person to get her this assistance, but we pulled some strings personally for her using our contacts.

I was really excited to call her up and deliver the good news. All she had to do was make an appointment with the eye doc and show up for it, the rest is taken care of. So what kind of thank you did we get? " well um. Ok um......well fine but this is going to be have to around my work schedule."

I guess she was disappointed because she really wanted her rent paid, we don't do that lady!

A Mercedes, an Acura, and a Lexus. How Arab!

2009-05-30T11:50:00.000-05:00

My friend's little sister made that conclusion the other night after observing our 3 cars parked next to each other during a late evening IHOP run.

I'm not sure if this supposed to be a good image or a bad image, but it's interesting how Arabs stereotype Arabs.

Along with sporting luxury cars, other Arab self-stereotypes in my neck of the woods include excessively hyperactive children, and owning a collection of faux (fake) designer purses. What can YOU add to the list?

Confronting the mistress

2009-05-27T09:15:00.002-05:00

I told you my friend Randy's story in a 2-part blog post previously. In a nutshell, after her asshole husband told her he wanted a divorce she discovered that he was intimately involved with another woman-a dancer.

A couple of days ago Randy admitted that she called the girl and told us how it went down. She star *69ed the number which was very easy to obtain (along with a plethora of solid proof) and when a girl answered she immediately hung up. She mustered up some courage and dialed again.

The girl: hello
Randy: is this "mistress"(that'll be her pseudoname)
The girl: yea. who are you
Randy: this is :asshole" 's wife
The girl: oh!

She quickly added to not be afraid, that she's not calling her to cuss her out or yell at her; she's just calling because she wants some answers. The girl told her in her defense that asshole had mislead her as well because she believed that they were officially separated when they met. Who knows if that's true or not.

Randy gave the impression that the girl wasn't someone that took asshole seriously, she probably wasn't very smart and just going with the flow in this situation where she's getting attention, adoration, and God knows what other material things from this guy. The mistress made it seem like the whole thing wasn't very emotional for her. Who knows though, maybe this was a front she was putting up to avoid problems with Randy-the wife. She got some answers and she ended the conversation by telling the mistress that by the way, she can have him. She couldn't care less if they wanted to be together.

Of course though as soon as she hung up the mistress immediately called asshole.

Ben Affleck defending Arabs

2009-05-25T23:08:00.005-05:00

I clearly remember this moment during the campaigning. McCain was praised for dispelling myths about Obama but it was acceptable that the audience member was equating being Arab with being evil....that part needed no dispelling and noone really caught it. Ben Affleck did! Let's all come together and formally forgive him for Jersey Girl! Whadayasay?

Nuggets VS Lakers and whose Michael Jordan?

2009-05-25T21:50:00.003-05:00

me: oooooh the game is getting close
abuwalker: yeah
me: I'm cheering for the lakers
abuwalker: i wouldnt even think about marrying you if u were serious
me: whyI'm just creting excitement
*creating
abuwalker: thats not creating excitment
thats siding with the enemy
me: calm down drama queen
abuwalker: well cant have any traitors
me: whatever
the lakers wear nicer uniforms anyway
abuwalker: nah
me: white? I've never seen white nuggets
abuwalker: they look gay
me: yea I know the nuggets look gay with their white uniforms

me: ufff there's still one more quarter?
lakers lakers lakers lakers
Oh I kno another basketball player
michael jordan michael jordan michael
what team is he on anyway
Abuwalker: seriously?
me: what
Abuwalker: wow, i thought every person in the world knew what team michael jordan had played for
me: not everyone in the world
I bet you my grandma wouldn't know that
Abuwalker: she might
i would say the majority of people in the world know about michael jordan
people who have never seen a basketball game know of him
me: well I knew OF him
Abuwalker: yes u did

Randy's Story: Cheated on with a whore (part 2)

2009-05-24T18:10:00.006-05:00

After getting married Randy relocated to a different city about an hour away. A year later her and her husband bought a beautiful home in a nice neighborhood. She decorated it very retro-urban and the interior looks like something you might see on MTV’s Cribs. It was very Randy: stylish, stands out, and probably expensive.

Randy used to complain about certain things in her relationship. I never thought it was a big deal or there were serious issues going on. I don’t even think she thought any of it was that serious. To me her complaints were natural obstacles. They were young, spoiled, and stubborn-so maybe they were just learning how to adjust to compromise and selflessness. I mean sure there were things that she told us that would bother me too, but no relationship is perfect and she’s one of those people that’s pretty honest and open and will probably reveal things that most girls won’t.

At some point Randy would make off-handed halfway-joking statements about not knowing how long she’s going to stay married for, or she thinks she wants a divorce. But she’s the type of person that would say things like that when she’s pissed off; she can be pretty dramatic. So I really didn’t think they were having serious issues-I don’t think any of us were.

Amongst the things she complained about was that he was pressuring her into having kids now. She didn’t like her meddling in-laws. He was making plans that didn’t include her, and decisions without consulting her. He was taking on a lot of extracurricular activities, and thus he was gone away from home more and more. Despite that, I don’t really think she was serious about wanting a divorce…but I just think she was really frustrated.

About 3 weeks ago while they were in a car together HE told her calmly that he wasn’t happy and wants a divorce. He had an explanation about her being in the way of the things he wanted to do and bla bla bla. She knew it was final and in the next couple of days she took her things and moved in to her parents’ house. His announcement came right after he came back from a trip with one of his friends and she had a very strong feeling that something must have happened.

At that point she wasn’t interested in trying to work things out with him, but she knew there was something he wasn’t saying and she was interested in knowing the whole truth. She suspected he was probably going to tell his family some bullshit story about her that they would probably spread to remove him from any fault in what’s inevitably going to be a messy split. So she was very determined to find out what was really going on and gather all the ammunition she can.

Sub7anallah her answer came very easily. It was like God really really wanted her to know. A few days ago she found an abundance of solid proof that her asshole husband is intimately involved with another woman. He probably has short-term memory because……..well let’s just say he didn’t do a good job of covering his tracks….AT ALL.

What’s very strange is that the girl he cheated on her with is a girl that’s probably a lot like Randy in terms of her personality. That was the impression Randy got of her from all the evidence that came her way. Why would you cheat on your wife with someone that reminds you of your wife? The biggest difference though is that this girl is a dancer whore. I don’t like to use that word, but for money she entertains strangers by dancing with little clothes on and is having an affair with a man she knows is married. This chick even admitted to him in an email that she was getting cozy with ANOTHER guy because she didn’t think he would mind. So can you think of a better word?

I know this isn’t about me, but I’ve been sad lately. Sometimes when I’m by myself and I reflect on what happened and what she’s going through I just start crying. When she came over for lunch on Friday I asked her to think back during the time when he asked for her or during the engagement. Were there any red flags that she wished she picked up on? She said there was nothing really, at some point in the marriage he just kind of changed. That made me even more depressed to hear. In life you have no real guarantees and no real assurances. You could be doing everything you’re supposed to do and you never know what kind of tragedy is waiting around the corner to blow up in your face. You could be making all the right decisions, yet they could still result in pain and loss.

Life is scary like that.

Randy's Story: Cheated on with a whore (part 1)

2009-05-24T15:33:00.007-05:00

One of my close friends who I refer to as Randy on this blog and my old one is going through a tribulation in life that’s been a source of depression for me. About three weeks ago she called me over to come to Suzy’s house one evening. I thought it was unusual she was in town on a weekday since she has classes in the morning and finals were coming up. She was persistent about me coming ASAP which was a bit strange. If it was around my birthday or if I was getting married I would have suspected they were throwing me a surprise; however, the reason why she wanted to meet with me (and other close friends) wasn’t a reason to celebrate.

She didn’t say it to me directly. Shortly after I got there she got on her cell phone with an old friend of ours that was returning her call. She was making small talk “how’s everything? Are you still skinny? How do you like your new place? How’s married life?” After the answer to the last question she stated “Well I’m getting a divorce….....yea it’s pretty much a done deal.” WOW! so this is why she wanted me to come. It also explains why she’s still at her family’s house. I became very sad.

Let me give you a little bit of background. When we were in our young teens me and her weren't the closest of friends; we had somewhat of clashing personalities, but in the past few years we’ve become close and she's one of my best friends. Randy is a gorgeous girl a couple years younger than me. She’s tall, big bright blue eyes, and has a beauty mark in the perfect spot. She’s a natural-born fashionista who prefers designer labels, spoiled by her parents, and has a girly ditziness that a lot of people find cute. She’s also generally viewed as a “good girl”. She has a lot of sisters and an attractive mom and she's the only one out of them to choose to wear hijab.

She used to say she has to marry a guy that has money, and she definitely did that. Almost two years ago Randy got married to the young guy that was chasing after her. As the son of old family friends, she had known him since they were kids. As young adults he and his family were very persistent about their interest in her. He spent some time pursuing her, he was cute, she liked him, and he had a lot of money-a factor she admitted was very important to her. When she accepted, they got engaged.

She had a huge katb ktab party (which I missed), a bridal shower that looked more like a wedding, and her actual wedding was like a fairy tale with a guest list of roughly 1,000. I don’t know if I’ll ever attend a wedding that was that big and that talked about.

Pics from my girlfriends' lunch gathering!

2009-05-22T21:41:00.020-05:00

I would classify today's girlfriends lunch gathering a success. As I predicted 6 lovely ladies showed up-so with me we were 7. God bless friends like Sam who was the first person to come at 2:15. I was disheveled because the kitchen looked like a food fight had just taken place and half the dishes weren't even ready. She looked perfect as always with her impeccable makeup and accessories but without even asking she rolled up her sleeves and got busy making one of the dishes while instructing her sister to wash the dirty pots.

The shrimp paella salad was a HUGE hit! Although it required a lot of ingredients it actually was pretty simple and definitely worth it. My brother who doesn't like to eat things that aren't either fried or soaked in butter and cream had a bowl and then took another bowl to go on his way out. Everyone loved it including the greatest critic: Randy! When this chick invites people over she actually bakes her own bread and makes things like spring rolls from scratch and salads with 20 ingredients.

The main entree was lemon feta chicken breast. It turned out pretty good.

This is my signature salad that I always make. It's always delicious, salads are kinda my thing.

Thanks to Mab3oos for this appetizer! It must have been good since it was the only thing with nothing left over. All 9 pieces of bread were devoured by 7 girls; and you know girls are kinda afraid of bread. However, if I do this again I'll use a regular white baguette as opposed to a whole wheat one which made it harder and drier.

Thanks to 7aki Fadi for inspiring this baked brie recipe that I surrounded with berries. I went by her recipe but added toasted almonds. Fresh out of the oven it was actually really really really good, but after it sat out for a couple hours it wasn't as appetizing. I guess it's one of those things that need to be eaten right away.

All in all it was really fun. These are dynamic times in our group; everyone has a lot of things going on in their personal lives. For some people they have exciting new developments such as Sam who after going through a bad marriage, divorce, getting remarried and years of fertility treatments she's finally pregnant. Another friend of mine who I once referred to as my "everything-is-haraam" friend is finally engaged to the guy that she's been talking to on and off for years. For some of the other girls life has taken a rather heartbreaking turn; one of my close friends who I mention frequenly on this blog and on my old blog is in the initial stages of seeking a divorce. And for some people, life is still full of so much frustrating uncertainty (moi).

It was nice to have this free time with each other like the good old days.....to have a group of girlfriends to vent to or share your good news with that understand where you're coming from. Therefore we just couldn't stop talking and most of the girls didn't leave until my dad came home from work 6 hours later. We decided we'll continue tomorrow with lunch over at Sam's place.

I need your fun easy lunch party recipes

2009-05-21T21:34:00.007-05:00

Tomorrow I'm taking advantage of my off day and hosting a lunch for my girlfriends. I invited 10 people, I expect 6 to show up. The most stressful thing right now until tomorrow morning is deciding what to make. My friend Randy really sets the standards with the type of things she prepares at her lunch and dinner parties. So I feel the pressure to raise the bar from my usual Whole Foods pre-prepared bar items. So far I decided I'll make a shrimp paella and a high-quality salad.

SO Bloggers this is where I'm requestiing YOUR assistance. I know a lot of you whose blogs I follow like to post recipes of your experiments and your creations. A lot of people that are into blogging are also into cooking. So give me some ideas. Send me the links, the recipes, the youtube videos. Specifically, I'm looking for something convenient, easy, yet still fun and good. you know, lunch-appropriate. Nothing with a gazillion ingredients or that requires too much time and labor. I'm busy people! it's my one weekday off so I have to do lots of other things on that day. I've already ruled out an awesome desert recipe because it was just a tad bit too complicated.

Uniqueness or creativity will be a plus. I will especially appreciate a drink recipe, a desert, and some cold dishes. You have from now until 12 hours to bring it and if I end up using your recipe I will owe you one forever. Or I can just send you a to-go plate.

TAG: Eights Meme

2009-05-20T20:59:00.003-05:00

Jessyz over at Chocolate Mints in a Jar has tagged me. I'm really not into tags, but I also love making lists so I'm submitting to this one.

8 Things I'm looking foward to

My mom and sister coming back home from Jordan (10 days)
My lunch gathering Friday
The girlfriends' summer road trip
Moving into my super nice apartment in August
Starting school again (believe it or not I can't wait)
Meeting Abuwalker's parents
Tinkerbella visiting (it's her turn now)
Planning an engagement party

8 Things I did yesterday

Went to work 5 minutes late
Edited new employee contracts and realized how much more money than me they make
Got my hair cut and styled for too much money
Went to Sam's little sister's graduation party
Learned the Bunny Hop
Bought wings for the family for dinner cuz they're 40cents on tuesdays
Watched episode 2 of Real Housewives of New Jersey
Killed a spider

8 Things I wish I could do

Sing
Make an A in anatomy
Make an A in optics
Jog a mile in 6 minutes
Understand Abuwalker sometimes
Cook wara' dawali really good (grape leaves)
Cook anything really
Understand my dad sometimes

8 Shows I watch

The Real Housewivs of New York
The Real Housewives of New Orange County
The Real Housewives of Atlanta
The Real Housewives of New Jersey
Millionaire Matchmaker
Entourage
The Office
Judge Judy (don't judge me. this show rocks)

8 Things I love

Family
Angela & Suzy
My promise ring
Bethenny Frankel
Used book stores
Designer Michael Kors
Fattoush
Warm Vanilla Sugar scent from Bath and Body Works

8 bloggers I tag

Suha from Susu from wonderland

Sue from always numb

Queenie from the coffehouse

Yameen-Shmal

Introducing Abuwalker

2009-05-19T22:55:00.006-05:00

Me: What do you want to name our first born?

Him: You have somethin in mind?

Me: I like francoise, william, gideon, genevieve, gwendolyn, and billy joe

Him: Perfect

Him: Add walker and texas ranger to the list

Me: lol ur so cute. I should start calling you abu walker

Him: haha it was a joke, you didnt see taladega nights: the balad of ricky bobby?

(5 minutes later)

Me: I just had a great idea! Abuwalker is going to be your pseudoname on my blog!!!!!!!!!!!

New artist Ena Vie's song on quest for the divine

2009-05-16T22:34:00.006-05:00

no box

no book

no word

is big enough

no mosque

no church

and no synagogue

I first fell in love with this song when I heard it on the finale of VH1's Tough Love. I had no clue what the song was called and I had a couple of theories as to who sang it. I was thinking it might be Tracy Chapman or perhaps Sarah McLachlan, or maybe it was Sheryl Crow. The only line I could remember to google later on was "no church and no synagogue" but absolutely nothing came up! Did I mishear those lyrics? The Tough Love website was of no help.

Two weeks later I happened to catch the finale as a rerun and I got hold of a pen and paper. When the song came on I wrote done a solid 4 lines to google. I couldn't find it via google, but what's interesting is that I stumbled upon a site of yahoo answers with someone who had written down some of the lyrics and was also desperate to find out this mystery song. The last answer directed to the blog of the new artist at enavie.blogspot.com

Her name is Ena Vie and the song is called "Big Enough"....and she keeps a regularly updated blog on blogspot, how cool is she???? Her song "Big Enough" is a reflection of a personal spiritual journey. Here's the excerpt from her post on the song

have grown up around so much dogma that focused mainly on attempting (and succeeding!) to place god, or the image of god...in a box, a book or limited to a word. throughout my travels, both geographically and spiritually, i have sought to find expressions of god, or the great mystery, in other traditions, religions, ceremonial practices and places of worship... and- what i have found is this...nothing, nothing...can limit the mystery of the divine. how can one limit that which is infinite? these experiences of my life formed the inspiration for the song, "big enough" which is on my newly released album..."from within".

no box
no book
no word
is big enough
no mosque
no church
and no synagogue

so how high can you go?
and how deep is your flow?
and how wide are your dreams, tonight?
and how high can you go?
how deep is your flow?
and how wide are your loving arms tonight?

the moon
the sun
they breathe life to everyone
and the flames of fire
quench my desire
and the stars in the sky
they are bringing me insight
and the waves of water wash me over

so how high can you go?
and how deep is your flow?
and how wide are your dreams, tonight?
and how high can you go?
how deep is your flow?
and how wide are your loving arms tonight?

i am your daughter
i speak the great mother
i live as a woman in humanity
i am your son/sun
and i speak for all the great ones
i live in the center of humanity, yes i do!

so how high can you go?
and how deep is your flow?
and how wide are your dreams, tonight?
and how high can you go?
how deep is your flow?
and how wide are your loving arms tonight?

no box
no book
no word
is big enough
no mosque
no church
and no synagogue

An Expensive Month

2009-05-15T13:52:00.003-05:00

May must be for money, cause this month is when I have to spend a lot of money. It's the month of graduations and getting ready for summer vacations.

Thus far there have been SEVEN graduates to get gifts for. Yesterday I went to a triple party, cousins who happened to be grads of my very small private high school out in the boonies. Although I was there on behalf of one of the girls (Suzy's little sister), I still felt compelled to get the other 2 gifts because I'm enjoying the entertainment of the venue, the DJ, the dinner, the cake, and taking home the party favors that all 3 girls' families contributed to providing.....so despite the fact I don't really know the other 2 girls it would just be plain rude to not acknowledge them.

The next grad party is tomorrow; it's for a girl whose parents got separated not too long ago. The mom and all the kids now live in a small apartment on very modest means; so ya3ni 7araam I have to be a little generous with her. The one after that is going to be a ladies only thing so I called to make a haircut appointment in time for it. All of a sudden only the $70 stylists are available for the times I want. UGHHhhh fine whatever!

If I get one more invite I'm going to fake being sick, I can't afford anymore. Coming up this week there's still a going away party, Suzy's birthday, and I want to invite people over soon for lunch or dinner before everyone goes away for the summer.

Is it just me, or is May truly an expensive month?

My day off

2009-05-15T13:27:00.004-05:00

Friday is my day off.

I'm not in the mood to do anything. I feel tired, lazy, exhausted. This week was too long, too many events and appointments. However if I don't do anything productive at the end of the day I'll feel less relaxed than how I started the day. Does that make any sense?

So I guess a true relaxation day would be one in which I do stuff such as run errands, organize bills, call people, laundry, go to the gym, make some dinner THEN AFTER I've completed a significant number of tasks I can feel good about lounging around with my book and some chocolate...but only for a coupl hours before I get anxious and feel like I need to be doing something productive.

Why can't I just feel relaxed about sitting on the couch in my pjs sipping coffee, reading blogs, and watching Real Housewives reruns on my day off? The very thought of doing that stresses me out. It'a a catch-22.

Two Weeks To Live

2009-05-14T15:58:00.005-05:00

This week I I did a lot of complaining to some people.

I complained about having to clean around the house, I complained about money, I complained about all of the graduation gifts I need to buy, I complained about my work schedule, I complained about not having enough time do things for myself, I complained about my personal life, the lack of interaction recently with my significant other, the inconvenience of my good friend's wedding date, and the junk food I've been eating. I complained about not being able to go to the gym, not having anything to wear that I already haven't worn to work and doesn't need ironing, my lazy brother, and not being able to read as much as I want to.

Yesterday at a dinner party after I complained about my car showing signs of wear and tear I met a precious 2 and a half year old boy. He was a first born and an only child who suffered an infection in his brain after an operation. He doesn't have the capacity to drain the fluid that builds in his skull. I was heart broken to hear his doctor predicted he will have no longer than 14 days to live. This was a couple of days ago.

Alhamdulilah rab al 3alameen for everything.

JUST library's 70 JD paperback book fine!!!!!!

2009-05-12T10:59:00.007-05:00

I packed a couple of books with me for my Irbid visit last summer but I ended up finishing them within a month. I used to randomly drive my cousin to JUST (Jordan University of Science and Technology) where she's a student and one time I coerced her into letting me use her ID to check out library books.

I was pretty disappointed with the selection of leisure books in the English language. In fact, there didn't seem to be much change from the last time I visited the library about 7 years ago when I checked out Lolita and a Jane Austen novel; both were still there amongst a handful of legitimate selections and were probably sitting on those shelves since the year I was born. I found three books that I could possibly read: a paperback The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks, a hardcover of The Hobbit, and one other paperback that completely slipped my memory.

Yesterday during work I get a frantic call from my mother in Jordan asking me if it's true that I checked out 3 books using my cousin's university ID and that I never returned one to her because I couldn't find it and told her I'd look for it but then never did. To my knowledge I returned to her the books before I left Jordan, but I can't be certain this was a year ago and her claim is quite possibly true. I mean I don't think she'd lie about. This is coming up now because a couple of days ago she was told she won't be able to graduate if she doesn't pay the resulting library fee of almost 70 JDs (100 american dollars)!!!!!!!!!!!!

My cousin called my mom twice in less than 24 hours about it asking for the money. My mom feels extremely insulted that they (the family) could even "have the nerve to ask for the money after all we did for them (financially)". For example, as a wedding gift last summer my dad gave her brother, the only son, a car. She's already decided they're not getting a ta3reefa for this as a result of their lack of adab. My father is annoyed, to say the least. Knowing my uncle he's probably huffing and puffing a wind storm all day and night long talking about how they're so broke and so poor (they're not). Now my family is going to have a war of roses all because of a paperback with a torn cover and ink pen leaks.

Ok I realize it's my fault. I'm not going to leave my cousin stuck in mud because she did a favor for me and have her be a victim of her cheapass parents and my proud parents. I'll get in touch with her and see if something can be worked out. I could buy that book brand new and have it shipped to her for way less than that. If she can get a wasta to lower that fee, I'll send her a money gram and make sure my mom doesn't find out about it.

Seriously though, 70 JD, WTF JUST library???? What do they use library fine money for because I really don't think they're putting it into the books!

Today I'm so frustrated. Is it time for a total makeover or just a vacation?

2009-05-10T16:16:00.008-05:00

Today has been one of those days. I woke up feeling frustrated, annoyed, even angry. These feelings have been brewing when I witnessed really bad and unexpected things happening to some of the people I’m closest to. Earlier when my dad asked me to do a few time-consuming tasks that I really didn’t feel like doing at the moment it brought everything to the surface and I just wanted to either scream or cry. What I did was a little bit of both (poor dad).

I don’t mind being told what to do as much as I mind being told WHEN to do it. I’m most content when I can plan things out and somewhat stick to my schedule; that way I can efficiently juggle the different things I've brought in to my life and it helps me stay sane. So what I dislike even more than being told when to do something is a last minute request where I’m expected to just drop my own plans. It’s inconsiderate!

I’m overwhelmed with this feeling of a lack of control over the circumstances of my life. There’s very little that I know with absolute clarity. I hate uncertainty when it comes to my life. The only things certain to me is time is passing by and God is watching. Sometimes I get angry at people or at situations that I feel like contribute to that uncertainty in my own life. When I accept responsibility for the way things are going and take matters into my own hands, I feels empowered and awesome-but only temporarily. At some point I hit a brick wall when I realize that despite the inspirational speeches, the comforting girlfriend talks, and the widely acclaimed self-help book-I’m not really in control no matter how much responsibility I accept and no matter how many times I take initiative to turn things around. I would be feeling better if I was a passive lazy ass person in the first place who sat around and let things happen then complained about how unfair life is as opposed to being proactive all the time.

So what do I do? Do I eliminate the sources of uncertainty from my life and not invest myself in so many situations? Is that really the wisest thing to do? I really don’t know. I mean sure- I’d be living more on the safe side by allowing less opportunity for bad things to come my way, but at the same time I could also be removing potentially sources of happiness, security, great opportunity, success, excitement, and achievement. I know from experience that living life on the safe side can only take you so far. Your basic desires can be fulfilled and you might be lucky enough to ride on the coattails of others; however, you probably won’t be hitting any jackpots yourself. Is that good enough?

That’s one of life’s great challenges, it’s full of fine lines. Sometimes it’s just one decision or a single spontaneous act that’s between being grateful or being regretful, being in love or being heartbroken, being successful or being broke. I’ve lived most of my life as a risk taker and right now I’m unfulfilled and disappointed. Is it time to stop? Or would a brief vacation be just what I need?

Naturally Thin recipes: A Brief Review

2009-05-09T23:08:00.010-05:00

Bethenny Frankel has definitely been put me in the cooking mood. She convinced me preparing meals 3 times a day for yourself is really the way to go-obvious right? In the past 2 days I made a total of 4 recipes that came out of her book. I'm always ambiguous about cook books and recipes-it's such an investment of time, energy, and money and you don't know if it's even going to turn out good. So I'm giving you this brief review of what I think of her food so far. By the way this isn't a cook book, but at the end of each chapter she includes a couple of relevant recipes.

The first one I tried out was goat cheese and sun-dried tomato chicken breast. It's basically a grilled chicken entree stuffed with parsley and goat cheese then sauteed in a soymilk and sun dried tomato sauce. Tastewise I give it 3.5/5, remember this is healthy food here. I'm sure if it was made in butter and cream it would taste so much better but wouldn't be nearly as beneficial.

Last night I tried out her zesty, cheesy healthy mac-n-cheese. She claims it's the best mac-n-cheese you'll ever try, and she may be right because I think I totally botched this one. It's made with whole wheat shells, 3 different cheeses, and butternut squash. It tasted really bland and I'm sure it's not meant to. I didn't put enough salt, pepper, and spices and I think I added too much bread crumbs. I mean it was edible, but I had to make sure I got all the cheesy pieces. I'm not even going to rate it because it wouldn't accurate.

Bethenny is pretty big on appetizers and sides over actual entrees. I am too, I like variety and would rather a little bit of everything over eating a main entree any day. The following is her pureed zucchini soup. This is a recovery food, meaning it's a natural way to flush excess water of your system and make you feel better. It was a bit of a pain because I had to use a blender for the onions and zucchini, but totally worth it. The recipe made a large quantity and soup is one of those things that still taste good as its leftover. I found this soup tasted rather flavorful and it made you feel good to eat too. Tastewise I give it 4/5. I had 4 bowls since I made it and still haven't gotten sick of it.
The following recipe is one that didn't come out of Naturally Thin, it was some health cooking show that I don't recall the name of. I just wanted to include the pictures of it because this was the best eggplant parmesan I ever made. I love variations of eggplant parmesan in restaurants but I've never been able to make a good one myself. This recipe involes dipping the eggplant in an olive oil, lemon juice, and chili peper mix before grilling them. To glue the tomato pieces to the eggplant I used a pesto sauce which also held the cheese on the tomato. It has a good bit of fat in it (although healthy fat) so I didn't eat more than one at time. Delicious, 4.5/5!

The last thing I made was this cool cucumber salad, also a recovery recipe. I'm adopting this as a regular snack I've already decided. I mixed together apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, a bit of honey, and dill and poured over sliced cucumbers. Then I chilled it before consuming. It tasted like it was really good for you however I would say it's not for everyone. The taste was too much to handle for my dad who spit it back out and my brother wouldn't get near it after smelling the vinegar. I thought it was great, 4/5!